Submitted by ThrowRA-bigoofus t3_11a03ta in relationship_advice
My boyfriend (M22) and I (F20) have been friends since we were in our early teens and have been dating for roughly 5 months now and things have been great. We love each other deeply and were planning on moving in together too. He's the person I trust most in the world.
That being said, a few days ago the two of us as well as some of our friends went to a carnival parade (at which people tend to drink a lot) in our hometown. My friends and I had been drinking quite a bit, my boyfriend however stayed sober as he was our designated driver. We were walking inbetween two groups that were part of the parade when one guy from the group of men behind us slapped my behind 3 times.
He hit my behind so hard it still hurt an hour after it happened and I was pretty shaken up afterward as I'd been SA'd before in my life and have rather severe trauma because of it. My boyfriend (who knows about my history) was walking right beside me when it happened and saw the whole thing - yet he didn't do anything to protect me, defend me or call the guy who did it out on it. Now my boyfriend is around 6'1 or 6'2 and quite muscular, like going to the gym 6 times a week for the past 5 years muscular, so he looks quite intimidating.
Because of the way he looks and because he's told me multiple times that I don't have to be afraid of others because he would protect me, I expected him to stay true to his promises (which he made a lot of) and defend me. But he didn't do anything.
To top it off, one of his best friends knew the guy that harassed me. As soon as I told him what had happened, he started pressuring me into not pressing charges (as I knew his name and everything). He wouldn't leave me alone for 2 hours and kept guilt-tripping me into letting it go and defending the guy who did it.
My boyfriend stood beside us the whole time his friend did this and he said and did nothing to defend or support me.
When I asked him about this later on he told me that he doesn't know why he didn't do anything.
Since then he has apologized multiple times and I wholeheartedly believe that he is sorry for not standing up for me, but what's done is done. I feel very weird and uncomfortable around him and I feel like I can't trust him anymore. I used to feel so safe with him and now everything is different.
I don't want the relationship to end, I want it to go back to the way it was but I fear that that might not be possible. Everything was perfect before this incident and now I just feel empty inside when I look at my boyfriend.
I don't want to lose feelings but right now I just feel empty and alone. I've tried looking past it and trying to go on as before. But when he spent the night at my place yesterday, I couldn't bring myself to kiss him. I felt uncomfortable hugging him and cuddling in the night. I couldn't sleep properly because I'd get a horrible feeling in my gut and stomach anytime he got too close to me - I feel as if any love I've had for him is gone or surpressed.
I still want to love him and I want to forgive him and I want to trust him - I don't want our relationship to end, I want it to be like it was before any of this ever happened.
I don't know what to do, please I need advice
Do I end the relationship? Do I just try and pretend nothing happened? What should I do?
EDIT: Thank you for all the support, it means a lot! But I feel like I didn't clarify some things enough.
My boyfriend was not the one pressuring me into not taking any action. His best friend told him he (the best friend) knew the name of the guy but didn't want to tell me, which my boyfriend did call him out on and told him to tell me.
The day after it happened my boyfriend wanted me to go to the police and report what had happened and supported me in everything and he's been great in terms of care, etc. and very understanding of my needs and boundaries since.
Apart from this incident he's been treating me better than anyone else before but loyalty means a lot to me which is why I'm so conflicted.
EDIT 2: I can't believe I have to say this:
I did not "want" my boyfriend to resort to violence and I'm not "salty" or "pissed off" that he didn't - I just wanted him to show any reaction at all. There are ways to react without getting physical but he just didn't react at all.