Submitted by No_River6070 t3_11antms in relationship_advice
So for context I've been with my girlfriend for 3.5 years now. So I was cleaning out an old dresser and my gf old phone was there. She hasn't used this phone for a few years. I had a few problems with my phone so checked to see if it was still working to maybe use.
When I powered on the phone I don't know why I did this but I decided to read a few messages and I know I shouldn't have because I found a few things.
I saw a few messages from her to a friend basically saying that I was "bad at sex" but really really good at everything else sexual. Saying it makes things complicated when we actually have sex. So what I think she's referring to here is that I struggle with premature ejaculation but never used to before her. I love going down and using my hands which she loves, but she's here basically telling her friends some intimate problem I have and laughing about me behind my back.
This makes me feel really bad about myself because we don't have sex very much and she barely does anything to me without her receiving herself. She always turns me down when I try to initiate but then when suits her will instigate (approx 1 time every 1-2 weeks is average).
I saw something else saying that she doesn't fancy me but might just use me for sex, asking her friend "is that bad"
One thing I came across and found was that she took home a colleague and think they might have slept together. This was in the first four months. I found out the same night she did this, she messaged me (I think before she actually went home with her colleague) asking if I was around and because I was asleep she abused me verbally over text for me to wake up to then apologised the next day. At the time I didn't know she took her colleague back to hers and she never mentioned this.
A few other messages to other friends were very cryptic, one asking about the married man which I can't help but wonder what happened. This message was about 6 months into us seeing each other.
I did see a few other messages from her which made me feel abit meter because at the same time she was also messaging people fretting over me which shows she wanted me.
I know I shouldn't have read this and now I feel terrible about myself. Even more so about the PE.
Please reddit, I need advice on what to do. Should I leave this given it was in the first 6 month of our relationship or should I bring this up and confront her. I've read something that wasn't to me.
These messages have changed the view I have of her. I thought she was sweet and quite innocent but this makes me think she is a bitch with a few insecurity issues.