Submitted by positivepersistance5 t3_11asiei in relationship_advice
I feel like we’ve had the same sort of ongoing issues and I really need some unbiased feedback. Keeping it as succinct as possible while including relevant details:
Background
- Started dating 3yrs ago, off and on at the beginning but always kept talking. Officially and steadily dating for 6mo now
- We live 10min away from each other. He lives at home with his parents and always has. I rent a studio from my distant relative and have lived all over the world
- His immediate and extended family are arab and very very close. They live close by and he has a plethora of cousins and second cousins and friends who all attend the same kind of events. They hang out alllll the time, going to the gym together, gambling, cards, family events, bbqs, everyyything
- I have traveled a lot and have always been very into my work so don’t have a lot of close friends, except the distant ones that last forever. This is definitely ok with me as I enjoy some alone time
- I’m his first ever girlfriend
Current things I view as issues
- I have met his parents 1x and only after me begging him
- In the 3 years I have known him, I have been to his house 2x, and both times his parents weren’t home and he turned off the security cameras before
- He has never invited me to any of his family or friend events. No bbqs, casual picnics, parties, weddings, baby showers, engagements, events w friends and their girlfriends, nothing. I have asked if he has ever got a plus one or anything and he said no. After begging and joking, he actually invited me to his 30th and it was the first time I met his siblings and friends (and we were dating at the time and had known each other for 2yrs at that point)
- I have had him meet my parents (my suggestion) and have also suggested we take a quick vacation sometime so he can meet my siblings and he says yes but never actually wants to
- We hang out about 1-2x per week, maybe 3 if I’m lucky. I am almost always the one who asks if we are going to do anything/ see each other that week. He always says that hes “down for anything” or “whatever I want” but when I actually suggest something he’ll say “I have to check” and then I guess decides if he can fit me in. I ask to hang out more or come over on a work night but he always says hes too tired. Which is fair but he is very often up late at the gym or playing video games or out with his driends. I get those are important, but every night too tired to even once come over late? 10min away?! I have asked him to take me to the gym with him so I can be part of his activity too (which probably sounds clingy but I said we can work out at different sides if he doesnt want to be near me) and he says “fine” but has not once offered to take me
- I take public transport home from work and it takes around 1hr+, but just 20min by car. He drives home from work and passes by where I work and by where i live. I don’t ever ask for favors but have asked if he would consider ever picking me up and dropping me off on his way home, letting him know that I would be happy to jump in and jump out anywhere so he doesnt even have to go a little out of his way. He complained at first and made excuses but said “fine sure” though has never offered since
- And now most recently, I have a big formal event at my new job, black tie and kind of a big deal, and he is going to a bachelor party instead of coming. He booked the trip before i told him about the event, so I know I shouldnt expect him to cancel, but he goes to sooooo many family and friend events every single month and never invites me. Is it really so much to ask that he comes to this one event?
From my perspective, it feels like he is not interested. I have discussed this with him and he says he is and then gets frustrated with me.