Submitted by ThrowRA4551683 t3_11b23dz in relationship_advice
original post - https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1199be4/a_woman_33f_i_36m_am_dating_posted_my_picture_to/
Back with an update, but firstly, a couple of quick notes based on the feedback I got:
- No, I am not Patrick or David or Eric or Pascal or Bret. Thank you for the PMs asking. As much as I'd like to be a Bret since that was my favorite wrestler as a kid, it's concerning that these msgs imply this seems to be happening so much that the identities can be confused.
- I don't care if you think my close female friend 'violated the sanctity' of your super cool secret girls only club. As she told me, her loyalties are to me. She's known me since I was a child and knows that I didn't deserve to have my photo plastered there.
- I understand that those groups may be necessary in keeping women safe or finding predators, but their moderators should go harder in ensuring that it meets those goals rather than running a de facto gossip club where innocent people's personal lives are affected. I've had dozens of people reach out with very similar experiences, so perhaps your rules should reflect that rather than just 'kEeP bOyS oUt!'
- The lunatic who wanted to sell me her cat. He seemed like a cool dude, but I just wasn't in the market for a pet. He also only had 3 legs which made him run like a drunken sailor. All cats deserve love, I hope he got away from her.
- Some of you (alarmingly) struggle with concepts of consent. I consented to my photo appearing on a dating app. I did not consent to my photo appearing in a 'is this guy trash?' group. These are not the same and the stigma and assumptions associated with both are vastly different. I really shouldn't have to explain this but here we are.
Regarding me not realizing how big this group was. 3 of the women in my life all found out about it the same way. On Valentines Day a radio show ran a segment on it, then it got picked up by blogs and social media. It's even appeared on local television. My friend saw it on Twitter. Another saw a 'this guy was dating 12 women!' post that got shared and decided to investigate. My sister was texted by her friend about it. And when they all rushed to check the group out, there I was. Great timing. It currently has over 50k members. Anyway, moving on...
I decided not to pursue things with Danielle. She took the post down during our radio silence but it mainly boiled down to just not seeing her in the same light anymore. I can accept that she is genuinely sorry but I also know how I am, and it wouldn't be fair to either of us. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period. Everything is supposed to be light and cute. Now it's just suspicion and resentment.
Not gonna lie, that period between when we first started talking to when I went away on my trip was really great. I looked forward to talking to her, when I would see a text I got butterflies, when we kissed it felt electric. Some people said what she did was such an obvious red flag they were questioning why I was even hesitating. The reason is that I haven't felt like this in some time. My last relationship lasted 5 years and after we broke up I legitimately wondered if I could find that spark again. Especially after trying dating apps here and there and not having much luck finding the right person.
I do want to feel that spark again and find my person, but holding on to something that already has these problems before it even starts is the wrong move. Instead, I'm simply happy I got to experience it. Now I know it's out there and possible again, just not with Daniella. But I'll be honest. I did wake up today thinking 'hey you never know, maybe couple months down the line I'll think different and maybe we'll go grab a drink.' And then I saw she'd texted me.
To preface, before I left the city for work she sent me a photo with a msg 'don't forget about me'. It was her in a bikini on a summer beach blowing a kiss. She's quite... chesty... so it's not exactly SFW but there was no nudity. I open today's text which reads 'hey, hope I'm not disturbing you but I'd like to ask you to delete that picture I sent and do not share it with anyone.' What the fuck? I replied 'The only copy of that picture is in our chat thread, do you seriously have this low an opinion of me?' To which she apologized and said she was just making sure. Fine.
At first I was annoyed, but then I realized the most important thing - It was a reminder I'd made the right decision. So I made another and deleted her number.
TLDR: Decided not to pursue things with Danielle.