Submitted by moreenemys t3_11cjvwd in relationship_advice
I'm working in a fairly well-paying position by local standards. It's not that I completely dislike my occupation (it's a permanent government-related job paying an upgraded salary in my field), but it's really rather boring.
By 2019 I reduced my working hours by 40%. That seems a lot, yes, but I was still easily able to pay rent for my apartment in an in-demand well-connected neighborhood in a big in-demand city (note: I'm living in Germany at the moment - so essentially all apartments are rent-controlled with indefinite contracts), pay for 3 long international vacations a year and save 8.500 Euro on top at year's end - after all cost of living expenses (pension payments and health care are 100% covered at that point). I also discovered, that I'm generally much happier now. I get sufficient sleep almost every day. I have time/nerves to exercise 5 days a week. I expanded doing rather intellectually more stimulating/meaningful voluntary work in a field I'm really interested in (anti-corruption campaigning in politics) achieving measurable impact. I'm stress free - and yes, I also have more free time to just do "unreasonable" things like watching a movie.
But unfortunately my partner of 3 years is getting more and more unhappy with my situation. Me working part-time wasn't an issue when we met. But after moving in together about a year ago, she started commenting on "if I'm not bored" or that I'm lucky (but not in a congratulatory way). This recently escalated to a point, where she is almost insistent that I work full-time. Just to be clear: she is in general a nice person and well educated. And it's not an imbalance of income - despite working full-time as team leader, her salary is about the same as my part-time salary. For her it's about generating more savings for our future.
We didn't talk it out in detail, but it seems for her the idea of buying a house (if affordable) seems to be a life goal. And "just slacking off" if instead I could use that time to acquire more income - at least "within reason" - is something that needs a "serious" reason for her. I guess it doesn't help, that I'm the only man in my wider circle, who decided to work part-time.
So: how to resolve this growing tension? Splitting up over this would probably not solve the issue. I like her and a potential different future partner would probably have a similar attitude (in Germany it seems men rarely work part-time voluntarily). On the other hand, working part-time really made me a happier person. I'm not struggling to pay my bills. And if it comes up, I'm fine with raising kids in a city-apartment, rather than buying a house and 2 cars to commute from the suburbs. Am I destined to choose between a partner or a "happy-part-time-life"?