Submitted by Vegetable_Pound8928 t3_11kghl9 in relationship_advice
I am fully white, there is no way I could be mistaken for anything else. He’s Southeast Asian. I forgot how the conversation started but we had gotten onto the topic of races and his experiences with racism in the US. After telling me of his past, he casually said how he’s scared of white people, and naturally this confused me. I asked him if he’s scared around me and my family members, and he said yes with zero hesitation. I have never said or done anything to him because of his race, and neither has anyone in my family. While I try my best to sympathize with his experiences as a POC this broke a boundary of mine, because how can he date me and be scared of ANYONE who’s white? I told him that a relationship is completely built on trust, that if he’s scared of all white people then us being together is fundamentally flawed, and that if he really sees a future with me then that mindset would need to change, at the very least towards me and my family. He got mad and told me that I was trying to erase his experiences as a POC, but I just don’t see how he could keep believing what he believes while dating me. I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to rip his experiences or culture away by telling him to change, but I’m completely lost on what to do.
Edit: Please stop commenting "he’s racist." I do not agree with you and I want a meaningful comment that will actually help me.