Submitted by ThrowRAs1k t3_11l70r2 in relationship_advice
Original thread here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/111d00s/i_30m_am_in_a_relationship_with_a_single_mom_27f/
Long story short, I told her I was unhappy, I asked if I could have some time to myself maybe 1 weekend a month I can stay home, she said no. It's all or nothing with us. I offered her couples therapy and even told her I'd pay for the entire thing. She refused said she already has enough therapy. I told her then we need to end it. It was an awful conversation and there was tons of crying until she just hung up on me.
A little backstory: she's been through terrible trauma in her life and I was worried she might not be OK because she's still dealing with some of it.
Anyway, I was worried about her but she refused to talk to me. Wouldn't answer calls or texts. I figured it was just over now and I need to leave her alone. The next morning I get a text from her asking me to come get my stuff I had left there. I told her just throw it all out. The stuff wasn't worth me going over there because it would be too hard to see her now. She basically said please just come get your stuff I don't want to look at it anymore either. And she said this will be the last time we will see each other so let's say goodbye.
I agreed and drove over there, when I got there I was met with a pile of my stuff. I started taking trips bringing it down to my car. When I went to get the last of my stuff I saw her sitting on the kitchen floor just crying. I sat next to her for a while not saying anything. She kinda made a move where she moved away from me a few inches. I looked at her and said "I should probably go, huh?" She nodded her head. I got up and as I was leaving I just said to her "I just wished you didn't think I was a horrible person". She started yelling from the floor about how she did nothing wrong and what not. I couldn't take the yelling, I said good bye and left. As I was walking down the hallway I was haunted by the sounds of her crying so loud I could hear it very clear.
As I left her building and got into my car she called me. She was upset that I didn't want to talk, but I explained to her there wasn't anything left to talk about. She kept going on and on about how awful I was and not doing the right thing, etc. and she refused to take any blame. At this point i'm already on the highway about 15 minutes away from her apartment when she asks me to come back inside to talk. I told her no, I am already leaving, she started crying and begging me to turn around and talk. I said "I am sorry, I am so sorry" and I hung up the phone (first time I've ever done that to her, but she's hung up on me over a dozen times). She started immediately blowing up my phone. I couldn't deal with it I was losing my mind, so I just turned the phone off.
I left it off for a day and when I turned it on I saw a few short texts and missed calls. I immediately just went ahead and blocked her.
I don't know if I did the right thing, I feel so damn terrible about this whole thing. I want to be there for her, hearing her cry killed me inside. But I know me being there for her will just rope me back into the relationship that I was no longer wanting to be in. Even though I still love her, and in fact I am still in love with her. But it's too much, I know I won't be happy. She wrote me 2 emails since she figured out she was blocked. I haven't read them yet. I can see they addressed in letter format but I don't have the strength to read them at this time.
This whole thing sucks. Hopefully this doesn't get automatically taken down. Anyway, thanks everyone and if you have advice on how to get through this that would be very helpful. Thanks
edit: I never thought this would get so much attention, this has been the most difficult thing I've dealt with in my life so thank you all so much for the kind words, it has all helped out tremendously. Last night I ended up reading the letters she sent me (before I looked at this post again) and the first letter was super apologetic, actually made me tear up, it was very sweet and it made things really difficult... then I read the second letter which was sent 12 hours after the first one and it was more blame, she was venting about all the things I did wrong, etc. In retrospect I should not have read either of the letters, but the 1st letter reminded me of the good times, and then the 2nd one reminded me why I broke up with her in the first place. So I am glad she wrote the second one because if it was just the first one then who knows what I'd be feeling right now. Anyway I am going to continue to be strong and block her on any other methods she tries contacting me with (She even started calling me from her work phone number, I didn't answer but I googled it and confirmed that had to be her) I blocked that number as well.