Submitted by ThrowRASleepover909 t3_11mv0ok in relationship_advice
My husband (33M) has a 10 year old daughter from a previous relationship. Her mom bailed almost immediately after she was born and has had no contact. I (32M) have been there since she was born. We started dating when she was 3, married when she was 5, and I am legally her parent.
One of the first boundaries (I don't know if that's the right term) we established in our marriage is that our opinions on parenting are equal and parenting decisions are 2-yes, 1-no. We both have veto power. We do talk things through, but sometimes, a no is just a no.
Yesterday, our daughter came to me and asked if she would be able to attend a sleepover birthday party this weekend. It would be her first sleepover with friends, but we're supposed to be visiting my parents this weekend, so I said no. They see her often so I didn't say no because she'd be missing out, but because I don't want my daughter sleeping alone at a stranger's house for the first time when we're several states away.
Our daughter brought it up yesterday, saying that I had been unfair. My husband agreed with her and said she had his permission to attend. I said no again and that the adults would talk about it later.
We talked about it last night and while we are both stubborn people, I’ve never seen him like that. I came down on him pretty hard, I basically told him he was disregarding our kid’s safety, so I recognize I wasn’t totally in the right. He told me, directly, that he’s the biological parent and his “yes” outweighs my “no.” I was so hurt by what he said. I know I’m not her biological parent, but I have spent almost every single day of her life with her. I love her so much. My husband was entirely unapologetic and I ended up sleeping in the guest room because I couldn’t look at him.
I left early for work this morning and haven’t spoken to him. I feel like standing my ground will make things worse, but letting go feels like a compromise I don’t want to make. Am I being too stubborn? My instinct right now is to just get even, but I know that’s not right or okay. Is this worth fighting over? How do I get him to understand where I’m coming from?
Tl;dr: My husband threw my lack of biological relationship to our daughter in my face while we were arguing. I’m beyond hurt and need advice on how to proceed. How do I get him to see my side?