Submitted by IllTomatillo2437 t3_11p0hho in relationship_advice
My boyfriend will occasionally storm out and get very irritated. In such outbursts he will huff and puff, move around all passive aggressive, swear, say he doesn’t care, storm off to bed and more. For example if a t-shirt is annoying him he will throw it in the bin. Tonight, he was pissed off because my Dad got himself, me and my little brother concert tickets. My boyfriend mentioned he would want to go to it, but we never got tickets. I only found out about the tickets my Dad got last night, when he surprised my 14 year old brother. I did say this, and he said “I dont care”
My family have been very disapproving of the relationship and unfair to my boyfriend without a doubt.
However, my boyfriend instantly was pissed off when I told him. I told him it was a surprise for my brother and he said “Fuck him”. My brother is a kid and has done nothing wrong. When i told him not to say that, he said ‘fuck him’ again.
He stormed off to bed. He came back down a few minutes later because he needed to wash a uniform. He came back into the room to get his clothes without saying a word, I was also silent (this detail crops up by the end)
He then went back to bed where he texted me “Im genuienly so fucking sick of it” and went as far as to say he hoped he didnt wake up in the morning. He also told me that he was pissed off that i would tell him that before we settle for the evening, (this detail also crops up by the end) although I never predicted that reaction.
I felt so anxious and I shake a lot when I get anxious. I just cant help it.
This is where I need some help.
I sat down by him and he said “youre acting like ive just beaten you up” and “acting like youre scared of me”. To which I said im anxious and cant help it. He said “well fuck off then”. When I said that he shouldnt tell me to fuck off he said “its just the way I speak”. He said “i dont know what youre anxious about” and when i told him that his anger makes me feel uneasy, he says “when did i say i was angry at you” (which i refer back to you that he was pissed off i mentioned it when i did). I also said that the storming out and saying those things isnt okay, to which he said “im allowed to have feelings” and “what am i meant to do? Just magically calm down to tell you im not angry with you?” I just dont know what to say. I said he could’ve said something when he came back into the room, and he said “Well you also didn’t say anything”.
I on the couch for nearly half an hour losing my mind trying to explain. And after begging for an apology and justifying why i deserve one, he just stared blankly and monotonously, nearly sarkily went “I apologise”
I was about to tell him that an apology is more than words and that it doesnt feel genuine when he says it like that and after i convince him to. But he cut across and said “See and now youre going to say that thats not good enough so whats the point”. So i have to accept it and try and act normal because i have no points left.
Truth is, its pushing me to a breaking point. Feeling so misunderstood and dismissed by the one person ive given my all to, kills. And im questioning if its all just me. Am i being impossible or unfair? What could I do different?
Id be endlessly grateful for any advice, i he no one else to tell. Thank you so much if you finished this long post :)