Submitted by [deleted] t3_11pygs3 in relationship_advice
My husband and I have been together for 7 years, Married for 2. He always talked about wanting kids and now I’m finding out he meant adoptive children. While I’m not against adoption. I want biological as well. He feels very strongly about not impregnating me. Apparently it’s selfish to create more children when so many children have no parents. And then what’s even weirder is we’re white he wants to adopt Asian children. I don’t think interracial adoption is wrong but, it feels like “shopping” I’d much rather adopt a child already in the US regardless of race.
I don’t know what to think. Do you think it’s possible to get to a middle ground? If so how?
UPDATE: thank you all for your replies. I read most but didn’t have the time to respond to them all I didn’t expect that many people to respond. But, after talking to some people privately and reading the commentary. It hit me that my husband might not want kids. I tried talking to him about it some more and he’s just talking in circles avoiding the main topic.
I don’t think he’s a crazy “white savior.” And we’ve talked about starting a family multiple times before we got married. No explanation makes sense aside from the notion that he might have changed his mind on being a father. I started looking for a marriage counselor. I don’t think he’d admit something like that to me after he talked about wanting kids for years. He knows it’d destroy me. I already feel betrayed.
It’s either that out I married a man with an Asian child fetish. I’m not sure which is more unsettling.