Submitted by Doublecasket t3_11qimwm in relationship_advice
TLDR: my boyfriend has a gum disease and three cavities causing him to smell foul. He claims he can’t afford to fix it due to an upcoming trip. My solution is to sleep in the spare room until he fixes it. This doesn’t work for him.
I am 27F and my boyfriend is 25M. We’ve been dating for two years and things have always been great between us until recently.
I have a great sense of smell. My boyfriend has almost no sense of smell. Additionally, my boyfriend has not had steady dental insurance for 4 years and has not seen a dentist for a little longer than that. His gums have always looked inflamed and his teeth are noticeably yellow.
This concerned me quite a bit when we first started dating and I nagged him to see a dentist and pay out of pocket. He also eats a TON of sugar and I sometimes catch him trying to go to bed without brushing his teeth.
The morning after he returned from a long trip, I woke up to an eye watering, throat burning, bacterial smell filling our room that was obviously coming from his mouth. He could not smell it at all. This was three months ago.
His says his savings is small and he needs to fix his car, get a better avalanche beacon, a safer snowboard and continue to save for a trip to Alaska that he is taking that will benefit his career.
Fast forward three months: I have been constantly complaining and I got him to make an appointment for a cleaning/checkup. He missed it and couldn’t get ahold of them to reschedule. Eventually I got frustrated waiting for him to figure it out and found a place that would do a cleaning and inspection for $100.
They told him that he has 3 cavities and periodontitis. It would cost $1200 for the plaque removal and I think around $1500 or more for the cavities.
He told me he is not able to deal with this due to financial reasons. This was very upsetting to me as our sex life has slowed to a halt in the last 3 months. In the morning, I can’t even face him without being 6 feet away. He has built up quite a bit of resentment over the constant complaining from me, lack of sex and lack of general closeness. He doesn’t understand how a bad smell could affect me so much and tells me that I’m making his already stressful life more complicated and difficult by complaining.
Yesterday morning he complained again that I was acting cranky and I decided that going forward, I would be sleeping in our guest bedroom until he fixes his breath. After one night, I realized that this is a great solution for me. I didn’t wake up feeling irritable and I feel like I have more patience for his offensive breath. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is LIVID. Last night he tried waking me up to get me to come back to our bedroom. The next morning he was very clear that he would not allow this to go on.
I am not sure what to do. I feel like anything less than me putting up with it without complaining makes him unhappy. He sees this as very personal and mean spirited.
I feel that if he doesn’t want to sacrifice his trip or take out a loan from his parents, I should be allowed to creatively problem solve. What do you guys think?