Submitted by ThrowRAkangaroo2 t3_11qk5hx in relationship_advice
Not sure how to start this, but myself and my partner of 7 years are having relationship issues after discussing making a fantasy of ours real. We have both discussed an MMF threesome for years and sexually we are on the same wavelength, however we recently contacted someone on Reddit who was interested, but I started having major reservations after a couple of days.
Initially I also liked the thought but I found myself getting jealous and worrying about potential repercussions should we go through with it. His penis is larger than mine (and pretty much all that I’ve seen) which is causing insecurities for me. He is also her type in both looks and style
She was messaging him daily and I then told her I couldn’t go through with it. Her reaction was not good - she accepted it but has been moody with me for several days now after breaking contact with him at my request. She has asked me several times if she can get back in contact, but I really feel that crossing the line between fantasy and reality would be too painful for me to bear. She has insisted it would be a 1 time thing but when I asked her if she would block him afterwards she refused.
Otherwise our relationship has been perfect for this entire time. We share the same hobbies, we don’t argue or fight, and we always agree on major decisions which is why I thought this shared fantasy of ours could work. However when trying to make it a reality I didn’t realise the jealousy I would feel would overtake the excitement and now I have left her with major disappointment. To me she is the most beautiful woman in both attractiveness and intelligence, which is why I feel I can’t risk our relationship, but my earlier enthusiasm has left her confused.
I just want to know how we move forward from here, as I don’t want to let this issue ruin us after all these years. Any advice would be welcome
UPDATE:
We have both read and taken on all the feedback below. She has deleted him on all platforms and said the reason why she wanted to talk is because she felt lonely. I have read their conversations and they were non-sexual other than when I joined in at the beginning. In some ways this hurt me more because she was confiding in someone who wasn’t me
I realise now there is a deeper issue in our relationship and this wasn’t the way to fix it. We have both agreed to communicate more going forwards. She has stated she feels stuck in the past mentally and wants to feel like she’s 18 again when she first met me. She said the feeling she had talking to someone new brought her back to that time and feels incredibly lonely. She doesn’t have many friends and we are together pretty much all of the time (both wfh so 24/7 practically)
We have both forgiven each other and know it won’t be easy, but our shared memories and experiences together will hopefully pull us through. I know I need to work harder to make her feel listened to and mixing fantasy with loneliness clearly wasn’t a good idea. If it doesn’t work then so be it, but the fact that she has been so open after reading all of your messages is promising