Submitted by ThrowRa_DoubleDadX t3_11talyn in relationship_advice
Throwaway Account
I (41m) had my first child "Amanda" (24f) young and despite plans to married her mom "Betty" (45f) it didn't work out. After Betty moved away she took Amanda with her and since she had primary custody, I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I wanted for years. It got better when Amanda was in her teens but I could tell that she always resented the fact that I wasn't around like all the other dads at her school.
It started getting worse when I married my wife "Tiffany" (35f) as she was the only woman I had brought around Amanda and didn't like how I didn't always give her my full attention. Again, I tried everything I could to reassure Amanda that I still loved her and wouldn't marry anyone who tried to make me choose between them and her. Unfortunately, Amanda tried to stage a breakup between Tiffany and I and that's when I finally decided to try Family Therapy but Betty didn't make it easy.
For the longest time Tiffany was very patient and understanding but after we got married to she started being more vocal about how I had a habit of dropping plans with her in favor of Amanda. Tiffany told me that when it comes to emergencies she expects me to choose my daughter over her but doesn't like how I will cancel at the last minute to run off with Amanda (with her mom) and that if things didn't change she would rather just get an annulment. After numerous talks I began putting my foot down more with Amanda and she would either accuse me of abandoning her or just give me the silent treatment. This included missing therapy appointments.
It took a lot of work but I was able to find a nice balance between Tiffany and Amanda and I thought all was good. It was agreed that anything I had scheduled with Amanda would come before whatever Tiffany wanted to do on that same or near time and vice versa. I was so excited when Amanda told me that she was getting married and wanted me to walk her down the aisle. I'd saved the date and everything. Unfortunately, about a few weeks after confirmation of RSVPing Tiffany discovered that she was pregnant and the estimated delivery date was in the same month as Amanda's wedding.
I panicked and took a while to muster up the courage to inform Amanda of the situation. When I did the first thing she said was that she wasn't going to change her date and reminded me that I had agreed to come to her wedding before realizing that Tiffany was pregnant. Amanda's wedding was about a three hour drive from where I lived so if Tiffany went into labor while I was at the wedding it would take a while for me to get there.
I agonized over this for weeks before making the decision to attend the wedding and just hope that the baby wouldn't arrive on that exact date. Tiffany said she was understanding but my MIL and SILs took turns chewing me out over it. One the day of the wedding I got a text that Tiffany went into labor early and to get back ASAP but it was literally 30 minutes before I was supposed walk Amanda down the aisle, I told Betty and she said that if I leave now Amanda was prepared to go full NC with me.
Knowing that labor can take hours, I took the risk of staying long enough for the ceremony and then left. I went as fast as I could but there was an accident which slowed down traffic and by the time I had arrived my second daughter "Kelly" was born. I apologized profusely but Tiffany wouldn't hear of it and I received several texts from different people telling me that Amanda was angry with me as well. I just don't know what to do.
TLDR: Wife went into labor while I was at my daughter's wedding three hours away. Left right after the ceremony to rush back and missed the birth. Both wife and daughter are angry at me.