Submitted by faieree t3_11tyoqg in relationship_advice
I (F22) have been living with my boyfriend (M25) for over 6 months. When I first met him, I knew he was a bit of a slob but when we started to like each other, he'd always clean up his place before I came by or presented himself as clean. This was 2 years ago, now that we live together 2.6 years into our relationship, my bf has reverted into a slob. When he finishes eating, he just leaves the bowl there until I take it and wash it because we ran out, laundry is on the floor everywhere and he'll wear the same clothes until I wash it, his papers from his grad classes are everywhere so i just toss them into his room on his own floor. When I went on spring break, he didn't wash any of the dishes or take out the trash and waited for me to come back asking if I could do them.
My bf is a busy grad student, staying up into late hours of the night but I just got a job. Once I start working I can't clean like I want to and I'm worried the place will stay messy. I've tried talking to him before but whenever I ask for help, he gets annoyed and says he need to go to the university to work on stuff leaving my frustrated. When we first moved in, he had no problem helping me keep the area clean but it's crazy now.
My bf and I have our own rooms in our apartment but he sleeps in my room. My parents proposed that I just ban him from my own space and act like roommates until he can act like a s/o instead of a child and at least do the bare minimum.
I want to try that idea, but does anyone have any advice how I should handle this? Or even how to handle it for the long run since we plan to have kids while both of us work out career jobs? I really don't want to break up but it's been frustrating me for awhile now.
Edit:
Wow, I didn't realize how much of a response I'd get. There were a few common questions that I just wanted to answer via an edit because I find it weird when people down vote my responses and it kinda makes me feel bad.
I would say that I am happy with the current state of our relationship, all other aspects of our relationship are pretty good which is why I feel like this issue is something I should try to solve rather than just give up. This also hasn't been happening our entire relationship, just within the past 2 months. When we first moved in together, he cleaned with me and we did our chores together (we would go do our own laundry together, clean our own rooms, etc.). Since then he's been... different.
My bf does express that he's stressed and overworked, my boyfriend also shows qualities of being neurodivergent (doesn't process people's emotion well, doesn't really pay attention to when people acknowledge him, lacks social cues and awareness, etc) but he finds getting tested taboo since he doesn't want to be seen as different so we just don't put a label on it but I acknowledge it. My bf currently works 2 other jobs while being a grad student so this is already what it would possibly look like in the scenario of him working extra hard but the most he does now other than coming home is making dinner.
I've read as many comments as I could and have come up with a plan on how to address the situation. I guess I'll let everyone know how my plans turn out whenever I remember to post again. I do want to thank anyone who gave kind insight into the situation, as much as I didn't like the word as I was referenced as, it definitely opened my eyes to the situation.