Submitted by throwRAalotly t3_11v2ncz in relationship_advice
My (29f) husband (31m) is considering breaking up with me because of my mental health
I’ve always had an anxiety disorder even before we met and got married.
We have been together for 8 years, married for 2 of those.
Last year my anxiety got really bad and I have developed a phobia of travelling (planes as well as fear of being trapped abroad) after a couple of bad experiences. We always loved travelling and have been all over the world together and planned on raising a family travelling all over the place.
Since my breakdown last year, I was referred to a crisis team and am now working with the community mental health team to get back on track.
However, I don’t know if I will ever be able to travel again or at least be able to travel like we used to.
My husband has now admitted he doesn’t want to think about the future because he doesn’t want to think about the prospect of me not getting better as that’s not the life he wants to live.
I told him I understand and that I’m not angry at him. What I didn’t say is that I’m now heart broken as I feel like our love/future now has a condition on me getting better. I will try as hard as I can but I guess I hoped that he would love me and still want to be with me regardless. Like I said I understand but I am also heartbroken so now don’t know what to do? Do I hope I get better and accept that his love has conditions? Do I accept that divorce may be the best route as even if I get better, I may get sick again?
Edit: thank you for all the responses! Just want to clarify a couple of things.
- We are not in couples counselling (but I will consider this now so thank you). I am doing exposure therapy (and yes I’m on meds) currently and am working hard every day to do something that frightens me - I even have a solo flight home next month which I am terrified at but will fight my hardest for.
- I am not a drain on him to those who said those kind of comments. I have a good job, I have my own money, I have my own friends, I have my own hobbies. We have a relatively normal life day to day. We go on dates still and very much love each other.
- Just as background - Both of us were born abroad to what our nationality is and have travelled extensively as children with family as well as as adults together (we even built our own camper and travelled round Europe). We are both now immigrants living abroad from our home countries. I know this will raise questions regarding how my phobia developed in the last year then, I’m not going to go into details but just remind those who don’t have mental health issues/phobias that it can be irrational and not make sense but still be just as real and terrifying regardless.
- A lot of you are right in that love does have conditions e.g infidelity, dangerous behaviours e.g drugs. I think illness is different though, it worries me that even if I got better what if I got sick ( e.g my mum had breast cancer) or if we did have children and they were disabled? How would he react then? The statistics some of you have about men being more likely to leave in these situations was saddening
- I’m not going to have children until I am better and our relationship is solid again - I don’t want to bring a child into this