Submitted by ThrowRAMashley t3_1230ejd in relationship_advice
Me and my boyfriend have been having this argument for several weeks now.
My boyfriend and his friends have decided to plan a holiday. Initially, I was invited to go but I said no for several reasons. I work in education so can't take any time off during term time and they didn't want to go in the summer holidays (understandably as it's a hell of a lot cheaper). I also don't really like the girls that he's going on holiday with... There's no issues there with 3/4 of them, it's just a case of we're very different people and we have no common ground. We're nice to each other and have some small talk but it is in no way a relationship where I could go away with them and feel comfortable. So, I said no.
I do, however, have an issue with one of the girls. She has previously told my boyfriend that she has feelings for him (I believe the words were that she was in love with him), knowing damn well that we have been together for two years. She has previously tried to kiss him and have sex with him. She does not like me and has made this clear to everyone going (including my boyfriend). She says rude and mean things about me, about my appearance, etc and shit talks me.
Obviously, I don't want him going on holiday with her. If she does these things sober, I can only imagine how she'll act when she's drunk. Which is pretty much what they're going to be the entire time they're on holiday. I do not trust her. I do trust my boyfriend and I'm not worried about anything actually happening between them. He stopped it last time and he told me about it (granted it did come from someone else first but they beat him to it). But that doesn't mean it still won't hurt or upset me if it does happen. And I believe that it will. She clearly has no regard for me and is shameless in still going after him.
It's gotten to the point that I pulled out of us moving in together because of this argument. I told him that if he goes on holiday with her, then he's coming back home single. That's our relationship done. And I'm not signing a tenancy agreement with someone that I might not be in a relationship with in two months. Obviously, he wasn't happy with any of that but I need to protect myself.
He keeps re-assuring me about how he doesn't like her in that way and his feelings for me, and how he isn't a cheat, etc. It's nice and I appreciate that. But I'm not worried about him cheating. I have faith in him not returning any of her feelings or advances. I don't trust her. Whether he puts a stop to it or not, it's still not nice to hear that another girl is trying it on with your boyfriend, trying to have sex with him and talking shit about you whilst she does it. And I feel like he either doesn't care how this will make me feel, doesn't understand me or my feelings, or he just doesn't care. Which I've communicated with him but he just keeps circling back to re-assuring me that he's not going to cheat. That's not my concern and that's not why I'm worried.
It's frustrating and I'm sick of this constant argument now. I don't know where we go from here or how we fix it.
TLDR: My boyfriend is going on a holiday with a girl who has feelings for him and I told him if he goes then that's the end of our relationship