Regret breaking up with single dad… thoughts?

Submitted by AMP5288 t3_yhz8w6 in relationship_advice

I had a short term (6 month) relationship with a single dad that ended in late August. Things were starting to get serious… I flew back to his hometown to meet his friends and family and he was supposed to meet my family this winter (they live 12 hours away). However, one of (pretty much the only) issue I had was the fact that we didn’t spend enough time together. He has 50/50 custody of his daughter and on the days that he didn’t have her, he would hang out with his friends/golf/do whatever else he wanted and I felt like I wasn’t a priority in his life. I totally understand that I will have to take a backseat to his child however, I have a problem with taking a backseat to everything else. Some weeks, we would go 6 or 7 days without hanging out. Sometimes on those days we would grab lunch or work together for a few hours and he counted that as spending time together but I didn’t.

In August, we got into an argument and a few days later had a text message exchange where I ended up breaking things off with him. It was an impulse response to something that he said to me… And I regretted it right after I sent it. I was crying for hours. I waited to until the next day to reach out and I apologized and asked if we could meet up to talk etc. He asked if we could “talk tomorrow” and when I followed up he kept blowing me off and saying that “he will call tomorrow”. Basically, he wanted and still wants nothing to do with me.

I definitely regret breaking up with him, but at the same time if that’s what he wanted, the very least he could give me is closure. It’s not like we dated for a week- we were together for 6 months and he even introduced me to his daughter. I would spend time with him and his daughter on some of the days he had her.

I’m sad because I have no interest in being with anybody else. Pretty much everything else was perfect in our relationship. I enjoyed the time we spent together so much that it’s hard for me to move on.

Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Aggravating-Pear9760 t1_iuglkj5 wrote

He was making room for you in his life but you demanded more and tried to rush the process. It was only 6 months... Most people don't meet family, the kid or friends in that time but he tried with you. You tanked the relationship and feel like he owes you, he doesn't.

From his perspective you probably shower red flags and proved why bring with you was a bad idea. Relationships especially those with kids involved take time. It's not that he wasn't making you a priority he was sussing out if you were a good fit or not and you weren't.

Either your expectations were unrealistic and selfish or you sabotaged this relationship for some reason.

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AMP5288 OP t1_iuglzte wrote

He actually initiated me meeting his family and daughter… So wouldn’t that be him who rushed the process?

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Aggravating-Pear9760 t1_iugmhvc wrote

Not at all. Although maybe he feels that way now considering how it turned out. He was in a place to decide what would be best for him and his child and he decided he was serious enough about you to introduce you but you demanded more and decided the effort he made wasn't good enough for you, so you had a tantrum when you didn't get your way and torpedoed the relationship.

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AMP5288 OP t1_iugmzee wrote

Not quite a “tantrum”… Text messages were exchanged (he actually said things that were not nice) and I ended it on impulse. We’re all human and act on emotions sometimes. Also, him and I had multiple conversations about this issue so he was well aware and no changes were made.

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Aggravating-Pear9760 t1_iugn54w wrote

Understandable but unfortunately it's over and you have to find a way to accept he doesn't want contact. So whatever closure you want, you're going to have to get from moving on.

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