Submitted by Throwaway2442244224 t3_xvdx8e in relationship_advice
Hi, I’m a 24m student and this idea has created some conflict in my family and with some of my friends. English is my 3rd language so I might (certainly) make grammar mistakes. I’m also on mobile so I hope it doesn’t make a huge wall of text.
Some context is needed. I have thought deeply about this intervention. I consider myself as childfree since my early ages. I never wanted kids, yet I don’t mind being around them. I used to live in a developing country during my teens years, and after seeing the states of orphanage there (it was terrible) I volunteered to help, and it was a hard but great experience. For this reason, if I ever change my mind, I would prefer to adopt as I believe every kid deserves a family.
I’ll describe myself as a social guy, I study a lot as I love the field I’m in, yet I go out often and sometimes bring women to my place. Even though I protect myself, birth control is never 100% safe, which means I could get someone pregnant. Having a child would literally turn my life upside down. I have high ambitions for my career, and it’s a very competitive field. Sure, I could stop gaming, go out less, and be less intensive in my sport training, but I enjoy my lifestyle and being a parent would change it drastically. Plus, if I had a child, I wouldn’t want to put all the work on the mother, and I would certainly have to due to long work hours. Becoming a deadbeat father is out of the question too.
My parents are deeply against this intervention. Their arguments are that I’m too young to make such a decision, that I’m great with kids, they want grandchildren and that my future wife might want children one day, which could end the relationship and make me regret it. I replied that I’m not an only child, that vasectomy is reversible and if having a child from my own blood is that important for my future wife, then we might simply not be compatible. Some of my friends agree with me, some say I would make a huge mistake and have kind of the same arguments.
I also know that raising a child cost a fortune, especially if you want to give him the best chances in life (best schools/universities…). Also, as someone who try to limit my impact on our planet, having my own kid would be an ecological nonsense. Adoption is different, as the kid is already born.
Sure, it’s my own body so the final word comes to me. Yet, it created strong reactions/tensions in my close circle. I have a good relationship with my family and such decision could affect it permanently. The cost of the vasectomy would also be negligible, as I have access to a good healthcare system.
Should I do it, even if they are against it? If so, do you have any arguments to change their mind?
EDIT: Thanks for all your reply ! I’m gonna try to read all of them, and I think I left some information out. I didn’t planed to tell my parent about it, my mom overheard it. I was talking to my best friend who is expecting, and she was trying to know if I had changed my mind about not having kids (she knows I’m childfree since we’ve met nearly 10 years ago). We usually talk about anything so I didn’t mind telling her the truth. So I explained to her I was considering a vasectomy and I told her my reasons. We were talking in the kitchen and I didn’t knew my mom was reading in the living room (1 floor above, but I unfortunately have a loud voice). We then went out, and when I came back for dinner my parents wanted to talk about it.
It sure is something I consider, as even if I change my mind I will go for adoption. And even if my family doesn’t agree, I can always do the intervention and say later that I’m infertile. I prefer not to lie to them but as it’s a sensitive topic it should bring peace back.
From reading your comments I see that I need to get more information on it, as I was 100% sure it was reversible (it’s not always the case, and the more time pass the less it can be). I’m not even sure a surgeon would agree to do it as I’m still young.
I also saw from your comment and with some research that before being 25 there is higher risk that the intervention won’t be effective, so this give me some time to think more about it !