Submitted by thripthrewadipitydoo t3_xxqo8f in relationship_advice
I(26m) can't do anything that involves leaving her(30f) alone. I can't go to the grocery store without her. I can't even take out the trash without her having a panic attack. It wasn't always this bad, but pretty recently it has gotten to this level. She has to make sure she has someone with her every time I go to work and will start freaking out if no one has come. She'll even get mad at me if I leave while she's freaking out trying to not be late.
My mom wants me to go to mom's house for the day in order to celebrate a personal win for mom. I would be gone from the morning up until early afternoon. When I told my girlfriend I was going to do this, she got mad because that meant she had to get someone scheduled to be with her. She's unable to find anyone so she's now mad at me for saying I'm still going. I haven't seen my mom in months and was really happy that I had an opportunity to go over there. She yelled at me again when I asked if she had anything for that day scheduled yet so I could give my mom an answer.
Its also gotten to the point that I do all of the chores, short of her cooking on occasion. I do all of the cleaning. I do all of the laundry. I do everything.
Part of me just wants to end the relationship and kick her out. Only my name is on the house, as she very recently moved in. I let her due to some rather bad circumstances. I don't see any way of her not living with me that isn't a full end to the relationship and complete no contact though. The freakouts make me afraid to kick her out. She might kill herself or me. I'd imagine that would be a worse freakout than just when I have to go to work.
She's been going through a lot, and I understand that. She has lost a few very close family members, including one yesterday. I understand this. I just can't deal with the codependency, it's going to end up getting me fired, which means we have no income.
I also am starting to feel manipulated. It's almost like she sees I'm becoming less tolerant of things and is trying to bring back the reason I let her in from the start. An example would be yesterday when she mentioned how abusive and manipulative her mom is and that her mom is doing everything to get her back so she can abuse her. I don't want to care. She is old enough to be independent in some ways, but instead uses me. Any time I want to do anything that involves leaving the house, I'm made to feel guilty.
Edit: I recognize Iay have used "codependent" wrong here. Title is set though so...
Edit 2: Also I will likely be slow at responding but I am reading everyone's responses
Edit 3: If anyone is still following, thank you for your support. It means a lot coming from someone with not a lot of it. Things are happening, I will keep updating and reading. I thank all of you with every ounce of my being.
Edit 4: I talk to her a few hours ago. It went well, for the most part. She was obviously defending herself instead of having a conversation, and she tried to dictate the conversation some. It was of putting but not bad in general. She agreed to find more forms of help and to allow boundaries. I gave her two weeks to change otherwise I don't think it will work. I'm also very confused with her relationships with her family after that talk. But something pretty unrelated that's really bad happened that might cause both of us to actually need to be under medical supervision.