Submitted by bitch-Iam-a-ghost t3_y2drt4 in relationship_advice
I am 21 F, Boyfriend 21 F, we’ve been dating for almost 1.5 years, I plan for his birthday for a long time for months altogether. I don’t like celebrating birthdays and my reason is that it’s never been about me, it’s always about somebody else, they get me gifts they think i should’ve and many other things. It just makes me feel more miserable, alone and many things. So my boyfriend apparently went thrifting for me and got me some clothes, i have never worn such clothes in my life, some ear rings, i’ve worn ear rings twice in two years & said i wanted to get so much more but i didn’t have money and then started showing me things he’d gotten for himself he got himself such nice t-shirts like 6 of them, some chains, accessories, and jeans. Didn’t even order a cake and now told me how ungrateful I am that i’m crying and he just wanted to do something for me. Where he just made me feel so worthless, i swar even if he got me a piece of candy that I like. I’d be happy, this just broke my heart into a million pieces.
Edit: Most of y’all are not getting it. Let me put it in clearer words, i get depressive episodes around my birthday due to ptsd and other issues, my boyfriend knows it way better than anybody else, there have been numerous events in the past month where i have reached points of self harm. I thought for a second that he wanted to actually make me feel good and change my whole idea about birthdays and gift giving that’s why he got me the gifts, instead he got me things exactly like what used to trigger me growing up, things that had nothing to do with me, a formality that it’s someone birthday so let’s get it, and then he threw it on my face that he didn’t have money to buy something “good” but showed me his clothes that were so much better in quality and way more in quantity, signifying that i was an after thought, the shopping was for him. Now, he wanted to do something, i has clearly communicated: TIME ALONE WITH YOU, but now that he has invited people he wanted to invite, and did what he wanted to do, a cake also fits in all of this, he didn’t do that, because he wouldn’t spend money on me. I didn’t want a cake, but now that he had done all of this show, it was really really humiliating turning up in a bunch of people for my “surprise birthday party” with no cakes, balloons or anything. It was his hangout, because i went to my room at 12:03 sharp, and it still continued after i was told how ungrateful i am. So that’s that.
Edit: Also, many of you need to change your perception of a relationship, telling someone to be happy in bare minimum because you don’t get that isn’t it. Telling someone that he doesn’t want to be around me because i’m suicidal IS NOT IT!!! Most of you really need relationship advice and shouldn’t be offering it to others, y’all are very insensitive. I do appreciate all the people that advised me to communicate, i was very clear in what i wanted, even in the past 5 days. I know probably breaking up is it, but I am really in love, it’s my first relationship, crush, romance, everything so it’s difficult.