Submitted by herder_of_kittens t3_y4eogf in relationship_advice
My husband (37m) doesn’t like his job. I (40f) have consistently been the financial backbone of the relationship, supporting him though many job trials. This is the first job he’s had where together we make enough money that we can do things like take (mini) vacations. It is the first time in ten years (ten years dating, five married) that I haven’t felt 100% stressed about money.
He has decided that he is going to quit his job to work at a summer camp that is essentially a volunteer position.
I want him to do what he wants and I want us to be financially stable. He said that he is “working himself to death” so I can have my dream.
Tonight when he got home I asked if we could go over the budget together. We looked at it and said “he has a plan” but didn’t elaborate. I got frustrated and angry. He said the only things we ever do are the things I want to do and that he doesn’t have a place in our house. He said all the art work is my art work and her is not included (we picked it a lot of it together and hung all of it together) so I took it all off the wall and told him he could hang anything he likes. He got mad and said it was unacceptable that I do something so drastic.
For context, there have been many times I haven’t liked my job but I have stuck with it so we could stay financially afloat.
Also, the summer camp he is going to is a place he cheated on me at when we first dated. We split for a few years and then got back together. When I brought that up he said he assumed it was all water under the bridge.
I just don’t know if it’s with trying anymore. I definitely am not perfect, but he regularly tells me that he doesn’t enjoy anything we do together. Then, when I say “why are we together”, he gets mad.
Should I support him through this career change or should I cut my losses and ask for a divorce?
**edited to say: thank you all so much for your thoughts and perspectives. It really has been amazingly helpful in helping me sort through my feelings, my understanding of his possible motivations, and the very clear boundaries I want in my life. I am deeply grateful 💕
**edited one more time to add: my uncle is a probate judge and did not let me get married without a very clear and thorough pre-nup, so I don’t have to stress too much about alimony