Submitted by annonymous001004 t3_y51x3k in relationship_advice
I’m at a loss. I’ve been married for 2 years and it seems like things have been getting progressively worse. My wife has gotten to the point we’re she goes to work and the store and that’s it. When she gets home she immediately puts on PJs and gets high. Lately she’s started doing it more frequently; she doesn’t even put away her bowl or jar of weed anymore even though it’s starting to make our house smell.
She also gained ~100lbs in a year. This occurred right after we got married and when she started smoking again. It’s gotten to the point where I’m doing every chore except when she occasionally offers. I stopped asking because she always throws a fit when I ask for help. So, I’m working a 60 hour a week job, keeping the house clean and taking care of all of the outdoor chores. She even fought with me when I suggested getting a shower before going to a friend’s wedding.
The weight bothers me for a few reason. First, she falls into the “morbidly obese” category so I worry about her health. Second, it’s seriously affecting our sex life as she is not comfortable with her body; this is made worse by the fact that she is 100% against masturbation, I’m constantly sexually frustrated. Finally, the last time we talked about her weight (around a year ago) she said something to the effect of, “I’ve already got you so I don’t need to keep trying”. IDK why but that’s stuck with me and it hurts.
We’ve starting talking about having kids but currently I think that’s a bad idea. Being a parent is a full-time job and she already complains about doing the bare minimum.
I still love her but I feel that our relationship is moving in the wrong direction. She’s very difficult to talk to as she will shut down or get angry anytime we have an uncomfortable conversation. I feel like I’m going to be stuck in an unhappy marriage if things don’t change.
EDIT: I want kids but I have no plans to have kids with her at this time (or ever). Considering she has an implant and our lack of sex, pregnancy shouldn’t be an issue.
She is seeing a counselor, however they have been focusing on addressing her anger. I’ve asked that she be honest and bring up more than one thing at a time so that the counselor can see the big picture. I know that she has unaddressed trauma but she hasn’t brought it up to her current or past therapist.
We have discussed all of the topics above at length minus her weight. It gets better for a couple days and then she slips back into her old habits. We basically have this same argument every month or so.