Submitted by Cautious-Oil1044 t3_y98z4e in relationship_advice
In early August we dropped our daughter, a college freshman, off. This past weekend, out of the blue, she told us she was going to hop on a train and come home for the weekend.
She showed up looking significantly heavier than when we dropped her off. My wife, who grew up in a household where nobody had a filter and there was no subtly, just came right out with it and asked my daughter how much she's put on. My daughter says she's up 30 pounds and now finds herself over 200 pounds and obese.
My wife lost it, told her how horrible it was, swore to her that she wouldn't be buying our daughter new clothes and just told her to " fix it".
After my wife went to bed, my daughter and I talked and my point to her was, I'm not going to get all riled up and yelling, because I don't think anything gets solved. Told her I loved her.
I went with her and paid for new clothes.
After she was back on the train and gone, my wife told me I'd handled it poorly and said I failed to realize how horrible it is that she's put on that weight in a couple of months and asked what I'd do if she came home in Dec. up another 30 pounds. My point to my wife that getting all hot and bothered and tearing her down doesn't help.
Is there a middle ground we're missing?