Submitted by mcmonopolist t3_yck8xx in relationship_advice
My wife and I have what we both consider a fairly typical marriage relationship. We generally enjoy each other's company, and also have friction points of the sort that are common for many couples (housework division, being better listeners, vacation planning, etc.).
Generally, we are able to work our way through these without too much trouble. But a handful of times a year, without any significant life change or cause, my wife absolutely explodes in rage toward me. She tears into me, on the same topics we sometimes have conflict on, but with 10x more intensity and not in a constructive way (you are such a dick, I am going to leave you if you don't change x, I am so sick of your shit, etc.). If I make any attempt to respond in any way, it just makes it worse. Her complaints are valid, but in my view the reaction is way out of proportion. The first time it happened, I thought, "Holy shit, my wife hates me with the burning of 10,000 suns and she is going to leave me." And then in a short time, things were back to normal.
At some point I realized that every time this happened, she was a day or two before her period. I'm not sure what to make of this fact. I know PMS can be a truly awful experience for many women; one of my past gfs had to take sick days for hers. I know she is feeling awful, and at the same time I am tired of being the punching bag on these days. In the past, the best solution was for me to just make myself scarce during these times, but we have a kid now and I can't just take off anymore. It happened again last week, same schedule, and I am just feeling worn out from the verbal tirades.
I am extremely hesitant to bring this up to my wife. I don't want to invalidate her legitimate complaints and just blame them on her hormones. At the same time, I am tired of being the punching bag. Obviously the first thing I should do is continue to try and improve myself on our problem areas, but it seems like no matter how well those are going, these episodes will continue.
How can I bring this up to my wife in a healthy and constructive way? Any perspective or advice is welcome.
EDIT: I should clarify that the topics she blows up on are not consistent. There aren't 1-2 things she's always bringing up that I won't change; it's just whatever challenges are present at that time, big or small.