Submitted by Diligent_Iron_1384 t3_yfnia5 in relationship_advice
On mobile sorry :( Context: i (F27) watch my son (3mon) from 9pm-4am while my husband (M30) sleeps. He watches him from 4-8am while i sleep. I then watch him from 8-5pm while he works. Husband then watched him 5-8pm and the cycle repeats. We have a good baby, he usually wakes once or twice at night to eat.
Last night at 8pm he just exploded at me (very unlike him)that he shouldn't wake up with the baby at all. He said no husband we know does this. He kept repeating "name one man who does". I told him comparing us to other relationships isn't constructive and pointed out how other dads we know do extra in other ways (work overtime, have babies with colic that need extra care, etc.) He said hes tired 'of going above and beyond '
Honestly I was shocked. I've never heard him say anything like this. I asked if something happened at work or if he needed a break to tell me. I said I try to thank him often, give him affection and tell him how great he is with our boy. But he just said 'I tell other dads I'm awake at 4 before work and they can't believe it'
He did get up at 4am last night and he left for work and we haven't spoken.
Is our system wrong? Is this just a bruised male ego? Looking for suggestions, this is our first baby and I'm wondering how other parents navigate the night shift. And how to navigate this sudden outburst.
many thanks
Edit: since there seems to be some confusion. I am not awake with him all night. I am responsible for him on my shift. I sleep when he sleeps so does my husband.
Edit 2: i am not a stay at home mom. I am on maternity leave for a year, standard in canada
Final update : First, I REALLY appreciate the men and women who understand that mat leave is not a vacation, and I do not just sit in my 'jammies' as someone mentioned.
My husband came home and spoke with me on his lunch break. He apologized and said he had a rough week at work, and will work on communicating when he needs a break. He said he understands how difficult watching our son can be, and he feels guilty asking for breaks or free time. I told him I don't mind giving him extra time here and there when he needs it but that I am not a mind reader. I also mentioned I thought he'd be proud that he is doing more than other dads he knows not envious. He said he wants to keep the schedule the same, and he enjoys having the early morning hours just the 2 of them to bond. he understands he let his feelings boil over and will work on communicating his needs.
Thank you to everyone, except the man who hates mat leave. You know who you are :)