Submitted by BlckandProud t3_yfvhgb in relationship_advice
Didn't get much responses in other subs so I'm posting here, please no harsh comments as I'm already struggling with this enough...
Long story - boyfriend of 5 years had oral sex ( they both performed it on each other) while I was 4 months pregnant with his best friend of 7 years who was at our gender reveal( they hooked up a month after the reveal). A week after their first hookup, they cuddled in a club and he went back to her house and he fingered her/cuddled her. All while I was home. I found out in September (3 months after the act) after having an intuition something was wrong and saw their instagram dms from back in June speaking of the incident. I was sooo hurt and he did the whole crying, kissing my feet and begging act. He cut all contact with her and blocked her. We broke up for two weeks and I kicked him out. We reconciled for our family and he moved back in after the time apart. He gave me full access to his phone (plus shares his location) and socials but I found myself going crazy playing detective every week looking through his stuff. This far along, I feel so alone. I don't have parents and my friends all moved away. I'm laying in bed wondering why does everyone who say they love me wind up hurting me. This is not how I pictured living the last month of my pregnancy.
I'm having nightmares about the girl and him. He claimed he was drunk but after a long talk last night, I realized that although they were physically messing around when drunk (they did twice a week apart) The flirty messages reflecting on their "sessions"and him still choosing to go out to the club with her were all a sober mans actions. He knew what he was doing and still kept going.
It's so hard to believe knowing that he had plenty of times to stop. I was so sick during my pregnancy. It doesn't help that I found out by looking through his phone 3 months after the incident, not him confessing. They were in contact the day before I found out talking about a group trip and were a bit flirtatious. She was even going to come to our baby shower but I found out right before! I told him three days ago that I don't know if I can live like this and may need space to have some sense of peace the remainder of my pregnancy. But After a night of aches and pain due to my pregnant belly, he came to help me fall asleep n we slept in the same bed again (he was on the couch). Every kiss, every cuddle, every word we share, I cringe because he shared that with her. It just doesn't feel the same anymore. I restated yesterday that I couldn't do this anymore and asked him to leave once again in peace (no puppy dog eyes or begging) if he truly cares about me and his son.
Of course, He was panicking, stalling, crying and telling me how much he doesn't want to live without me but I stayed firm n he left last night. He's currently in therapy, AA and reading a lot of self help books. He is remorseful, but again, I don't know how I will ever get over this. I want him but don't feel much peace with him cause I keep being reminded of how awful he did me. My heart is shattered, I'm currently in therapy as well. I can't believe he blindsided me this bad. I still love him though but this feeling is insufferable. I kicked him out again last night cause I just couldn't take seeing him everyday and pretending everything is fine. I see his efforts but I want to live in peace the rest of my pregnancy and focus on my son coming in November.
Complete no contact is impossible ( I guess I could until I go into labor)
I'm supposed to be happy during this time and it's turned into another traumatic event in my life. 😢. Any advice?