Submitted by Puzzleheaded_Cry9828 t3_yh0huu in relationship_advice
My (29M) wife (33F) just told me she cheated on me. We have been together for nearly a decade, have two kids, and a house together. She is the primary breadwinner as I was diagnosed with a serious illness a few years ago. We have been arguing a bit lately but I’ve been trying to make her happy. I am totally lost and don’t know what to do. My heart is shattered. I love my wife more than I can explain.
UPDATE: This has happened three times. It started a month ago. This is just fucked up.
Update 2/more back story: we talked for about two hours. I allegedly got every detail there is. I’m just heartbroken.
This all started at the end of September. We took a trip without our kids, and it was supposed to be an anniversary trip for us. The entire trip she got very angry with me. We ended up having a huge argument and she spouted off a bunch of problems that we were having (who gets up with kids, certain things she wants to do, general life stress etc.) I took all of the issues to heart and I really have been trying to work on the things she said and make her happier. Apparently this started shortly after that blow out and has happened three separate times. She has been acting off despite my very best efforts to do what she needs, and I joked it was her “boyfriend” because I truly never thought she would do this to me. I spotted a light mark on her neck and asked her what it was and she said it was a pimple she messed with, but I was more insistent it looked like a hicky and I haven’t sucked neck in a few weeks (wonder why) and she broke a few minutes later and told me. I left to sob at my brothers for a while and came back and asked all the questions I needed. She said she told me because she wanted it to stop and didn’t want to lie to me anymore. She answered every one of my questions and if she tried to dodge them I doubled down. She went to sleep in a different room. She also tried to hug me and apologize for everything a few times but I pushed her off and told her to not touch me. I don’t know what to do. I honestly and truly love(d) her more than I could ever explain. I’m a moron, but I still do. I want this to work out but there’s no way going back from this. She said she doesn’t know what to do to redeem herself from this, and I don’t know either. I’m completely wrecked to the very fiber of my being and I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR heart broken and don’t know how to proceed. Any advice helps. Thank you.