Submitted by cinnabun3618 t3_yh8sud in relationship_advice
I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (21M), we will call him Matt, for 4 and a half years. We are a very healthy happy relationship, he's my favourite person in the world. I have been very close friends with a a girl (21F), we will call her Cassie, since we were 11 years old. Our friendship has had it's bumps but overall its been a pretty good one.
Cassie has been single for just under 2 years, and she's often talking about how she wants a fling or a boyfriend, specifically someone like my Matt. We are very mindful and considerate of the fact that she is lonely, so when we hang out as a group or even the three of us, Matt and I don't show each other really any affection or lovey dovey stuff as we know she could get upset. I believe that she idolises him because of how amazingly he treats me, so overtime this has formed into a lust and desire for him. There have been a few instances however where she has really crossed a line and I don't know what to do about it.
Cassie has a private story on snapchat, where she told me she has only girls and Matt on it. This was weird because her and Matt are friendly, but she only knows Matt as my boyfriend, not her friend. Anyway, she began posting extremely sexual videos of herself on this story which was weird to post on something you just had your girlfriends on. One specific time she was posting her trying on clothes, including these tiny shorts which she was shaking her ass in right in front of the camera. Why did she want just her girlfriends and Matt to see this?
A couple months ago, Cassie sent me a picture of a photo of a guy in one of the houses she cleans, and she said how much he looked like Matt. They looked really similar. Last week, she told us in our girls group chat how at one of the houses she cleans there is this guy who is so hot, and said she was going to try find a picture. When she finds and sends it, it was that same picture. So I replied with, "Wow, he looks like Matt." and she just said "I know!". I found this weird seeing she was the one to point out how he looked like Matt in the first place, but I let this slide.
Another instance is one girls night, we were all talking about our typical types. She starts describing Matt, "I love blonde hair, blue eyes, and I love nerdy gamer boys" my other friend actually pointed this out saying she thought she was describing Matt also.
There was also this time were our friend group was hanging out with drinks at the house Matt and I were house sitting for the week. Matt got really drunk and hopped out of the pool and was sitting inside. I was offering him food and water and looking after him, and he was telling me he felt a little unwell. Cassie comes rushing inside and made a big fuss, baby talking him and asking if he was okay or if he wanted her to make him some food. Don't get me wrong this was nice I guess, but I was right there doing the same thing and she was talking to him as if he was her boyfriend.
She is always calling him cute, handsome and gorgeous. Not just to me, but to his face too. She baby talks him like he's her own boyfriend, and no she does not do any of this stuff to anyone else, just Matt.
The most recent occurrence is what has really made me put all the pieces together. Cassie and I were planning on watching movies in my room for the afternoon. Matt was still at my place and was with my younger sister in her room, but was about to leave. When she first arrived, we went and sat in my room and immediately she goes "Tell Matt he can come sit with us, he doesn't have to hide in the other room." which he wasn't because he was with my sister. So I went and told him and he said "nah I'm going home now for a bit anyways", and Cassie says "What why? Am I not fun enough for you." really weird and awkward, Matt just laughed and left. A few hours later he came back to my place and came in my room to say hi, then he then went in our lounge room. Cassie was showing me her saved tiktok edits of hot guys, and she gets to one and goes "This guy looks so much like Matt." He didn't, he was just blonde, but I found it weird how she was looking for my boyfriends features in hot guys? Then comes the worst part. She showing me a couple on tiktok that she thought was really cute, and Matt came into my room to grab his charger. As she was showing me this tiktok of the couple, she was not looking at Matt, she was not showing Matt the video, she was just watching it. She then lets out a MOAN and said "Ugh Matt!", and then acted like it didn't just happen. This was so weird, did she say it on accident? Why was she thinking of MY MATT when watching a relationship video? It was so weird and Matt and I were incredibly uncomfortable.
I do really love Cassie, I just do not know what to do about this. But this whole 'crush' has seemed to grow over the past few weeks, I really want to be wrong about it but theres so many situations I just don't know if I can get past it. I've spoken to Matt about it and he agrees and said it makes him really uncomfortable and he doesn't want to be around her. I also don't want to ruin our friendship or hurt her feelings because she's really sensitive and over the top. What do I do?
EDIT : I should also mention she is a depressed and mentally unstable person, I don't want to be mean and hurt her, but she's just taking it too far.
EDIT : thankyou for all the comments and advice! I haven’t seen her since the last incident, and ive got a really busy couple weeks coming up. i’m not planning on messaging her about this it’ll probably be in the moment in person. i’ll update everyone once we’ve spoken :)