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But aren't you using your boyfriend as a coping mechanism as well? You are literally using him as a shield just because you are unable to stand on your own two feet vs your parents. He's clearly uncomfortable and you are trying to force him to do things he doesn't want to do and much worse, YOU don't even want to do it. No one wants to be a scapegoat in a relationship so I don't blame him for not wanting to go. How this how you intend to live your life 10 years from now, when you have kids and plan to grow old with him?

How can you even compare the drummer to your situation? Because one is clearly a vacation that they both will and want to enjoy. You mentioned all the reasons why you want your boyfriend around none of them included anything about his feelings nor that you both would enjoy being there. You've got to do better if you want this to work out.

Fair point, although I did mention reasons that play towards his wellbeing which he is aware of. I can reiterate them if I wasn't clear the first time.

Also, it's not like I make him actively do anything, I just find comfort in his presence, which I agree is not a long term solution for my problems with my parents. I will have to stand up to them on my own one day, and I tried plenty of times already but it's like they forget the very next day. Admittedly I don't know how hard I'm trying because I don't want to completely lose contact with them, just to keep my distance, which they don't take well for now.

You are asking to a grown man to live, even if just for a few days, under other people's generosity. It's akward at best.

You can't see that because you see your parent's house as your house too. He don't.

That's a fresh take from the one already ingrained in my head: he doesn't want to put the effort in. Never thought of that, thank you!

By now he probably finds it all unbearable to deal with and he just doesn't feel comfortable being in your parent's house while you, yourself, are not comfortable. So, unless that dynamic changes then I don't see why he'd ever look forward to it and he likely can't give you a straight answer because you are pushy and do not take no for an answer.

If you do want to reiterate it, then by all means but be sure to carry that same energy for your parents.

I would probably take the same position tbh: it’s awkward to take at your SOs parents house, and usually tiring because you’re on your best behaviour and trying to be courteous, and you’re also introducing elements of him being an emotional crutch for hard conversations. Who wouldn’t dread this type of visit?

Beyond that, it’s possible he doesn’t want to be stranded at their place for so many days at a time, and has other priorities that are on his mind that he could accomplish in that time. Could he visit for just one night so it’s more manageable and reasonable?

Thank you!

I usually stay for a night myself, and he doesn't have much going on that can't be solved from the computer. He only leaves the house when we go out or shopping. So I guess the first part of your comment makes more sense. Thank you!