Submitted by ceraunoscopy t3_z1jf8h in relationship_advice
I’m sure posts on this topic are a dime a dozen, but I’ll give you my sob story anyway.
My spouse and I are very much in love and have a great relationship aside from a few big things. Namely that he has been sexually coercive our entire relationship, and had been emotionally abusive as well. This finally clicked for him a few months ago and he’s working on it in therapy.
Because of the abuse, I don’t want to have sex with him. I don’t feel safe and my libido turns off and I freeze. It’s been like this for awhile.
He came back from therapy and said that he needs sex, so either he gets a green light to get a fuck buddy or we get divorced.
Clearly we don’t have a healthy relationship, which would make ethical non monogamy impossible. So that’s a dealbreaker for me. But he’s doing work to change his abusive behavior and I love him so much.
Getting divorced would devastate me. Not to mention that I got married very young and getting divorced after just a few years would make the social stigma that much worse.
So, should I suck it up and try to save my marriage or bite the bullet and throw away any chance of making it work?
Edit: I was being ironic in that second sentence, but yikes I hope none of you know abuse victims that you victim blame irl. Anyway, I do have my own therapist and I’m not a woman.