Submitted by Plastic_Teacher5152 t3_z2xxog in relationship_advice
I was married for 30 years the month our divorce was final. My ex-husband cheated on me many times and I always forgave him. We have 4 children together. (He no longer has or wants a relationship with the kids. They are all adults.) He came home one day and said he had been unhappy a long time and left the state that day, no kidding.
For many years, he had told me during arguments he thought I was unattractive because of weight gain, and the fact I had grey hair. He called me a fat, grey haired old lady in a tone of utter disrespect. As I had low self esteem and felt unable to leave, I took it. After he left, one of the kids found out on social media he had already proposed to another woman, and was living in her home with her and her children. It was not surprising but also, he hid it.
I retained an attorney and pursued a divorce. Although some loose ends are still being worked through legally, we are divorced. (Divorce when your ex has left the state sucks, btw.)
I have a new job I love. I have a rental home that’s nice. I went to therapy for almost 2 years to help myself deal. I have come a long way!
When I saw pictures of them together on social media, I felt very bad. His new gf was thin and blonde. I was overweight and grey haired. She was physically his perfect woman. Pictures of him hugging her tiny waist really bummed me out. I deleted social media and decided I had to take care of myself. I have lost over 60 lbs and feel good. I decided to get my hair done in a salon and look more polished and feel better about myself.
A few days ago, one of my kids sent me photos of my ex and his gf. They apparently are still happily together. However, they’ve both gained alot of weight. My ex was always fit (ex military) and from the pics, he’s at least 350 lbs. I am not exaggerating. His gf has gained at least 50 lbs! And her hair is completely grey. I was gobsmacked.
I am going to continue my life, and be happy. I still don’t have social media and don’t want it. I am not going to become a stalker online, they can be and do whatever they want. But boy, am I confused. The last time I spoke to my ex (via phone) he angrily called me a fat fudging c#nt. He always had to say I was fat to make me feel bad.
Also: please don’t think I think being thin is the focus of life. I don’t. People are who they are, inside.
So not only has he become morbidly obese, his new partner is on her way. They barely are recognizable. I thought I was the anti-Christ for aging and gaining weight. He and his honey were a physically attractive couple when they started their relationship. Now they are not. Please tell me how to process this. (Besides saying hmmmm, and then going back to taking care of me.) Any thoughts are appreciated.