Submitted by ThrowRAFoundAndLost t3_z79a7g in relationship_advice
When I say I just this discovered this, I don't mean like today. But two days ago I found his blog/page on some question and answering site he more or less uses as a personal confessional or diary of sorts. And what I discovered there terrified me.
He openly describes how he baby trapped me when we first met. He was an older man, he was estranged from his first wife at the time. I was clueless and desperate, a college dropout with a baby only six months old, living with my parents. He charmed my parents. He charmed my sister, and her husband. Held my son and was so caring to us at the time. My whole family was poor and he offered to "help out", and he followed through on that. Bought me milk, diapers, medicines, gave me expensive jewelry...
Then I got pregnant. I was just 21 and my first pregnancy had been unplanned and a c-section and I was terrified, but he talked me into keeping the baby, said he'd always help me. Said he'd marry me, that he was the love of my life, he would divorce his wife soon... and he did. He divorced her. He married me. We moved to his country and had three more kids. With his first wife he had three, he adopted my firstborn and three more; his family is rich and he has a good job through their connections, although he doesn't do a lot to be honest but is very good at pretending to be busy.
Now in this blog he writes that he "selected" his first wife because of her intelligence; he never finished university and she went to a prestigious university and he "wanted smart children". He poked holes in his condoms and "stealthed" her... she got pregnant. They had a shotgun marriage. Three kids and two postpartum depressions later, she leaves him. He has her diagnosed with some mental illness and ends up getting custody, with help of his family. After this he "selected" me because of my looks and me being a lot younger. Rinse, repeat.
It turns out I am just an object to him. I never felt fully at ease but I also couldn't explain why I never felt fully at ease. It was just something I felt but I was constantly gaslit even by my own family and friends if I brought it up because of how generous he was and how he charmed them... I second-guessed myself a lot. Gave him the benefit of the doubt. Eventually I just sort of settled into the whole motherhood thing. Decided to give it my all. He even wrote on his blog that he was happy I had a baby already because "this time she would not think of me as the one who ruined her life, because another dude already knocked her up first".
It's all just so gross but I can't stop scrolling and reading his thoughts too. There's so, so much of it. He's not the person I thought he was, or not the person he presented himself to be all these years. I'm a 100% sure his ex isn't "crazy" like he portrayed her but another gaslit victim. I'm super confused and I don't know what to do. I also don't have a job and am a full-time mother so this is a scary situation to be in. What do I do? I don't even know where to begin with any of this, or who to tell, or whether or not I should even tell him...