I might be losing my wife.

Hi all, my (34/f) wife (36/f) and I are having some problems and I just need to vent about it. We’ve been together for almost 10 years. We got married 2.5 years ago and we recently sold our home and bought a new one. We have built a beautiful life together and honestly we have so much fun.

We both have kind of taken on two totally different roles in our relationship. I’m pretty type A. I am the person who takes care of most of the housework, the finances, the bills. I’m a planner and a saver and very much focused on excelling in my career and learning new things that interest me. I’m someone who works through things internally. I struggle with intimacy and vulnerability. I’m not a robot by any means I just am cool to be next to her on the couch watching a show. Or we’ll get high and have a dance party in the kitchen.

And according to her, she has taken on most of the emotional/relationship role. Meaning she knows how to get us to talk about difficult things and she has tried to keep the dating and intimacy aspect of our relationship alive. She has gone to therapy every other week since I’ve met her pretty much. She loves having deep and interesting conversations. Vulnerable is her comfort zone. In fact she’s in school to become a therapist.

According to her, therapy school is really challenging her to think about what her wants and needs are. And she recently told me that she wants to be with someone who shares the core value of therapy and personal development. She also told me she resents me because for the last 10 years she’s asked that I go to therapy to work on my issues (grief, anxiety, fear of vulnerability, low libido). I did see 3 therapists over the last few years- but didn’t keep it up. She said that I “abandoned” her and now she isn’t sure if she wants to be with me. She says that I am always on my phone, so she is now on her phone too. And she wants me to pursue her and connect with her. I’m deeply devastated about this and trying to own my part without spiraling.

I’ve since gotten a therapist and the plan is to go to couples therapy. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s forcing me to do this. And honestly I do want to work on my anxiety and vulnerability issues. But the biggest desire is to get things to work out with her. I just don’t know if it’s too late for me to really change in the way that she wants. And it hurts to think I’ve abandoned her and she’s at the point of questioning if she wants to be with me now. Totally heartbroken and it’s my own fault.

Any advice, books, podcasts? Thank you.