(21F) (22m) 2 years into the relationship not sure how to go about this

Submitted by AltruisticSuspect115 t3_1004gk8 in relationship_advice

I understand that admittedly, we all sexualize people on the internet to a certain degree without any harm or bad intentions behind it. I’m not saying this is okay nor is it applicable to everyone, but it’s just how human beings are programmed to work. For example, we can admire a celebrity and say “they look hot” and just leave it at that, regardless of sex/gender/preferences. I had no issues with my boyfriend following all these women and liking all their half naked pictures since they appear on his feed all the time. That was until I found out that he was jerking off to these women, some of which are people he knows irl. I confronted him about it and he called me crazy because “that’s what guys do”. I’ve already set boundaries and have told him what I’m comfortable/uncomfortable with but he keeps saying that I’m overthinking and should just let him do things as he pleases.

I just think it’s disrespectful to me that he doesn’t acknowledge my boundaries. He’s told me that he’ll stop but he never did. On the other hand, if I so much as like a picture of a fully clothed man he would say things like “go date him then if you like him that much”. Seems a little unfair to me. Just simply looking at pictures and/or liking them isn’t an issue for me. It’s the fact that he takes it up a notch and jerks off to them that makes it disrespectful. He’s generally a nice guy but it’s just this aspect of him that I don’t like. I’ve tried explaining to him several times but he just doesn’t seem to get it.

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ThrowRAConsistent t1_j2fgo3e wrote

It is absolutely a double standard, and "that's what guys do" is such a cop out. But what are you asking, exactly? Whether this is fair, is what to do about it?

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MoxxiPoxx t1_j2fgphh wrote

Sounds very much like 'rules for thee and not for me', which in my oppinion is a big red flag.

I don't think there's actually anything you can do to make him stop this behaviour. Frankly, it sounds like he might be one of those people where if you try to enforce change, he'll just start hiding it yo get you off his back.

I think the biggest questions in this situation are these:

Why is this a problem for you in the first place?

Do you think he will go further then just jerking it to pictures?

Is this a deal breaker for you?

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