Submitted by enchanted776 t3_zhvou1 in relationship_advice
I left my boyfriend after he tried to propose.
I (F20) and my boyfriend (M27) have been together for about a year and 3 months. From the beginning, he has always talked about marriage and kids. I want kids and that’s stuff too, but definitively later in life.
We would often be lying in bed and he would just say, “I can’t wait to do this when we’re married.” Personally, I don’t really get it. Like what’s going to change from now when we’re dating to when we’re married? Our relationship will still be the same one we started with.
He often would just ask me casually to marry him, and I would always just answer something along the lines with “someday”. He’s asked me about every month for about a year and I always answer the same. I’m very busy and I travel for an intern job for work so I don’t really see myself settling down within the next few years.
For those of you thinking I’m leading him on, I am very open with these plans. I told him I don’t even want to get engaged until I’m at least 25 and want kids late 20s to early 30s. That’s just a personal boundary and preference. Whenever I would answer seriously he would always “shutdown”, get quiet, and look upset.
(If you’re wondering about our age gap - I know. We met at a work party when I was 18. We are in the same field and have the same, close group of friends. He never gave creepy or ill intentions, and the only issue we seem to have is marriage/kids.)
The last time he casually asked we were on the beach about a moth ago, and once again I just said “I’m not ready right now.” Fast forward to two days ago, he proposed to me for real. He took me to a mountain with a waterfall and actually got down on one knee with a ring. I didn’t even look at the ring before I said no. It was like a reflex? I started walking away and crying out of shock. I knew this was the end for us. I couldn’t see myself getting back together with someone who just doesn’t listen to me. I’m not sure if he thought a nice ring would make things better, or me magically say yes, but it didn’t work. He started crying and begging (blah blah blah). I told him I needed time. I flew home to my family and told them what happened. Turns out he told my family and they said he shouldn’t do it. He ignored them, never told them he was going through with it, and didn’t bother to invite them to the party he had planned after. (Later found out his whole family was there).
Honestly, feel great. Texted him we’re done and that was a line crossed. Unfortunately, have to see him at work, but I don’t even feel an ounce of sadness, more like relief and I’m not totally sure why.