Submitted by throwaway3728373 t3_zj0rcu in relationship_advice
So I (f26) went through my boyfriends (m36) phone yesterday and now I honestly don't know how to feel about what I saw, we were together after going to the movies with my parents and my sister , I was going through his gallery and found some old pictures and videos from a couple years ago from women he was dating /sexting on Instagram few years ago, we were in his car and he looked at me and said he didn't even remember he had those things and told me to delete everything I saw, he knows about my past, I told him I was dating this man for 5 years who was a narcissist and cheated on me multiple times and now I have trust issues and self-esteem issues, I think he probably imagined what I felt or thought, but I couldn't say a word honestly... and I tried to play it cool as much as I could... I have to say that when we were together I didn't feel as bad as I do now, but now I feel AWFUL. I've been crying for a couple hours since I woke up because I feel so insecure about my body now, I saw them and they look NOTHING like me, they looked ABSOLUTELY PERFECT , corn star type of perfect, not a scar, not a flaw, nothing... Just perfect boobs, perfect ass, perfect skin, tbh right now I don't even want him to touch me, see me or have sex with him again, and it isn't because I'm mad because trust me I'm not, I understand that what I saw its in the past it's because I don't feel enough for him... now I can't get their perfect bodies out of my mind and I feel that I'm not nearly as good, pretty, hot or sexy as they are. I feel disgusting in every way possible, I'm even considering having a vaginoplasty and a couple more surgeries to look more like them but I kinda have my thoughts and feelings mixed, I feel so lost and I don't know what to do, please if someone has advice or has gone through something similar please help