Submitted by throwaway379292ri t3_zlrzts in relationship_advice
Update at the bottom
Hi! This is a throwaway acc because my boyfriend knows my main + I am on mobile so sorry in advance.
The situation is not very complicated but I'm feeling guilty and idk how to handle it.
Yesterday my boyfriend (23M, we've been together for 2 years) and I (20F) were about to have dinner and we were thinking of what to watch. He suggested we started this anime he has already seen and thinks I'm really going to like. I said yes and he became sooo happy and enthusiastic. I was happy to make him happy but as soon as it started playing I recognized the anime because he had talked about it to me before.
So for necessary context: I struggle with retroactive jealousy which I am working on in therapy and I am definitely better than I was a while back. My bf has an ex he dated for 5 years before me. They bonded over anime (they met each other in anime related stuff) and also they both have played volleyball. This anime he wanted me to watch is literally about volleyball.
He had been telling me we need to watch it but I always kinda refused saying I didn't feel like it because I knew I wouldn't be able to separate it from his ex and I would feel bad. But this time I couldn't stop it on time and it was already playing, so I just stopped it and told him the truth that I feel uncomfortable and asked if he and his ex had watched it together and he said yes. I asked if we could watch something else and he looked really sad but obviously he agreed.
Now I feel terrible because he looked so happy when I agreed to watch it together and I just feel like it could've just been something that we could've enjoyed together and I ruined it.
I feel like telling him to give it a second chance but I just feel that if he wasn't going to think about his ex before while watching it he definitely is now, and that makes me extremely uncomfortable. I have no problem with him thinking about his ex like in general but I'd rather it not be while we're cuddling in the sofa if you know what I mean.
I know this might sound like a stupid problem but I'm feeling really guilty about it. Should I just drop it? Or should I ask him to watch it together? Any advice is good.
Thank you!
TL;DR my boyfriend was super excited to watch together this show that I had suspicions he had watched with his ex because of common interests. I had to ask if they had watched it together (they had) so I asked him to watch something else... but now I feel like I should've just let it go and I don't know what to do. I feel like I ruined something that could've been special.
Update: thank you for all of you comments, I needed the harsh ones as well as the kind ones. I already spoke to my boyfriend again and apologized again, and he said he does not want to push me to watch it but he would enjoy watching it if I want. I said I would love to give it a second chance. He also wanted to let me know the ex has a tattoo of this anime, and said it would be ok if I didn't want to watch it knowing this new information. I said I still would.
I'm writing this specially for all the comments saying I'm not ready for a relationship and such. The truth is maybe I am not, but I'm trying my honest hardest, and so far it is working out great. I'm really happy that all of you have already figured everything out, but for us we are still a work in progress: he has his issues (some of it trauma from this very ex) and I have my own. But what matters is we communicate everything and trust each other, and that we are working really hard to better ourselves together. Thank you again! ❤