Submitted by Apart_Country4582 t3_zn0tvl in relationship_advice
The purpose of this post is to ask the more experienced people here if I've done the right thing, because every part of my emotional being is screaming that I've made a huge mistake. While every part of my logical body is like, yep, you escaped. And its been less than 24 hours and its tearing me apart.
Im a 33 Male (HL) who has been in a two year relationship with a 27 LL. Shes great, get along fantastically and I've always loved being with her... except we haven't done it (apart from once on holiday) for one year and three months. Thats right, I've been dating this girl and not having sex with her longer than we had sex, and its only a two year relationship - we have no kids, no debts, and no obligations, apart from an apartment full of material possessions.
I have asked her why we have not had sex, and the reasons have been endless. That she put on weight, that shes tired from work, that shes stressed out, misses her family, "blocked" and even that "I'm just not sexually attracted to you right now but it might come back"
Basically I reached a point, after discussing it with her several times, breaking down crying and asking why she doesn't like me, and trying to figure out the source of why she isn't into me, to finally move out. I was too chicken to talk face to face again, as she always conveniences me to come home from my parents and that she would change (spoiler, she wouldn't). So this time I packed up while she was at work and wrote a long letter.
She called me twice and explained for 15 minutes that she could just explain it over the phone and didn't want to lose me, saying her job was tough, that shes planning on going to the gym, and that she misses her family (they live in another country). All of this is totally understandable... but for over a year and a half? Like come on...
All she had to do was say she loved me and to come home (she has never said I love you). I also asked her to go see someone to talk about this (a psychologist), and she said she didn't need to as there was nothing wrong with her.
Its the most painful thing I've ever done (and point of note, its also my first relationship), and I appreciate you reading this far.
TL:DR - Did I make the right choice to leave my 2 year relationship after 1 year of no sex, and no concrete evidence that she was changing?
Edit: And if you read this and go, this guy isn't even married for 40 years, I completely understand. It just feels very raw and I want to ensure I did the right thing regardless.