Submitted by OLDthrowaway1423 t3_znfny9 in relationship_advice
Here's the rundown: I met a girl in February, we started casually seeing each other and we've been a bit more serious this fall - we've taken a trip together, I've met her mom, etc. She's a 4th year med student at a school about 75 minutes away, which has actually worked pretty well. We're both really busy during the work week anyway, so we just spend weekends together typically.
Complicated part is what happens after she finishes med school this spring. She just finished her residency interviews, and now needs to finalize her rank list. She wants me to weigh in and create it with her. And here's where I'm going in circles a bit. Bluntly, I'm not interested in moving - I'd rather live in my current city than any of the 15 cities she might go to (sadly, her specialty has no residency programs here). My job is here, my friends are here, its close to my family, etc. I have a life built here that I'm really happy with. And I'm not sure yet if I see myself with this girl long-term.
So given that, I'm really hesitant about weighing in on her list - I would feel terrible if she changes her order based on my preferences, matches somewhere I'm more excited about than she is, and then we ultimately break up, or I still don't feel ready to move come this summer. On the flip side, if I stay out of it, there's a real chance she matches somewhere I flat out do not want to live, and then we're really in a tough spot. Plus if I tell her I don't want to weigh in, I think she's going to be quite hurt. Overall this feels fast to be talking about moving in together - if not for her residency, can't imagine we'd already be at this type of a crossroads. But it's a bit necessary given that I'm not interested in long distance - that feels totally unrealistic for 4 years, and basically all of the locations would be trickier than the current setup. On the flip side, I don't want to end things. This is the first somewhat serious relationship I've ever been in, and I'm not convinced she's not the person I should be with long-term, if that makes sense. She is coming back into town tonight, I know my view on her rank list is top of mind, and I have no idea how I'm going to answer. What do you think?