Submitted by ThrowRAFamiliarDif14 t3_zqj7yc in relationship_advice
So my gf(29f) and I (28m) have been together 9 months and things have been going good. We even live together now. My gf let me know I could tag along to her Xmas party. It meant I would have to come after the meal however because I’m not part of the company but I did used to work there before. So I ended coming a bit later somewhat spontaneously because my gf messaged me only with a few minutes notice that I am now allowed to join them even though she said she would message me earlier. She basically forgot to let me know, she even said so.
I was contemplating at this point if I should still go or not and ended up still going. I turned up with a really nice suit and shirt and all my other ex-colleagues were happy to see me and even stood up to greet me. But my gf stayed seated the entire time. Another ex-colleague offered me a drink and even poured me some wine while my gf just sat there. She didn’t even compliment my attire or anything which I put a lot of effort into.
I eventually get to sit next to my gf but a few moments after she gets up to use the toilet after which she goes out to have a cigarette with other colleagues. Nothing wrong with this but she doesn’t even let me know or anything. It felt kinda bad to be sat there on my own at a Xmas party that she invited me to.
I let her know straight away how I was feeling and then she apologised. I hope it wasn’t an overreaction on my part to get upset?
TL:DR - Gf invited me to come to her Xmas party but showed me little to no attention and I got upset and told her about it. Was it okay to be upset?
Edit/Update: Wow! I did not think this would blow up this well. Thank you all so much for your advice. I will do my best here to try and answer all the open questions from the comments.
Some more context to how the evening ended up going: After my girlfriend apologised I must say she did go out of her way to make sure she sat next to me the rest of the evening. She showed a lot of affection and I really appreciate that! I don't believe it was an empty apology!
Context to me GF: She is indeed introverted and little awkward moments like this have occurred in the past and we have always been able to talk about it. Could it have been an innocent mistake on her part?
Context to the Company: I was somewhat of a celebrity at this company and implemented a lot of changes that are still in use today. I left because I found a better opportunity somewhere else. I knew about 70% of my ex-colleagues that were present. Perhaps my gf thought I would have been fine on my own in this setting?
Context to the Xmas Party and why I had to come later: Generally the plus one rule was not allowed and I was the only external partner that was allowed to tag along, although it was decided on the night that partners could spontaneously join us if they wanted for after-dinner drinks. I know her boss pretty well and he asked her especially for me to come. Her boss literally asked me during the event if I would consider coming back to the company xD
More context in general to the evening: She had told me already a few weeks prior that her boss had said I would be allowed to come. They had a specific program for the evening for the employees, with speeches and stuff which all occurred during the meal. It would have been weird for me to sit there as only partner in the moment. As such my gf would let me know when they started eating so that I may know at what time I might be able to join. This message, to let me know when I could come, is what she forgot. I never got this notice. I believe they started eating around 8 pm, which was later than she expected. The next message came from her around 9:30pm and this is what bothered me. Her message was simply: 'Are you coming soon, here is the address...' So perhaps she got caught up in the evening and forgot to let me know. When she messaged me I told her that it was already kinda late and that it didn't make much sense anymore to come. At this point she bombarded me with messages to PLEASE come. This is what she said to my points: In terms of not receiving the message, she simply forgot. When I arrived she was sat next to her boss in a corner on the far edge of the table and for her to get up would mean everyone on the table having to get up so she can greet me. So she basically waited in this moment that I come to her. She was a bit overburdened at this point perhaps not knowing what the correct social interaction is. When she went to the toilet and had the cigarette without saying anything, she said she had had a look to see what I was doing and I was talking to another colleague at this point so she just went. She apologised that she didn't let me know. She promised that this won't happen again.
My current feeling to all this: I don't believe my girlfriend did this intentionally. I am pretty much 100% sure on this. I have chosen to forgive her on this because she apologised and did something about it. COMMUNICATION is so f*cking important! This seems to be a rather over-analysed misunderstanding. That being said: I will not forget this and I will keep a keen eye on stuff like this in the future. I am still hurt but I think prolonging this will only damage us at this point. I can't imagine she had a workplace BF though I can understand how this conclusion came about. I thought about this too but I occasionally pick her up from work and we would greet with a kiss in front of her colleagues. And I know her colleagues well and they know that we are together so why would she choose to hide this in some way at the Xmas Party?
Thanks again for your insightful feedback, it really helped me a lot to get through this! Wishing you all a pleasant holiday season!