Submitted by ThrowRAblametheshoes t3_zrm4zt in relationship_advice
I (19F) was invited for a family dinner at my (23M) boyfriend's house.
Everything was great and I get along with his family really well, they're very kind to me.
After the dinner we were all sitting in the living room watching TV, it was just me, my boyfriend, his parents and his younger brother (20M).
At some point his brother gets up and goes to his room and returns with a shoe box, it wasn't wrapped and apparently nobody knew about this because they asked what's going on.
He said it's for me and handed me the box, it was shoes/sneakers that I mentioned a while ago. He has the same ones and I said they look cool, so he decided to buy them for me as a gift.
I didn't really know what to think but I was really appreciative of the gesture and thanked him several times, they go for about $200 currently and I really felt he shouldn't have spent that money on this, but regardless what's done is done and I wasn't going to cause a scene in front of everyone. His parents seemed to have found it amusing as well and the only one who was upset was my boyfriend.
Later when we were going home I realised he's being quiet which is unusual for him. I asked what's wrong and he went on a rant saying that I shouldn't have accepted the shoes, that it's weird he bought me the same shoes he has, he also said he's quite sure the brother likes me for a while already and that's why he did it. I tried my best to diffuse the situation and I said we can all talk about it together this weekend when we see eachother again, but he wants to cancel the Christmas dinner we are supposed to have with his family over this.
To be honest, sure it's a bit unusual that he decided to get me an unprompted gift (he said it's not a Christmas gift), and if he really felt he had to get them, he probably should've chosen a different colour or something just so it doesn't look as odd as it does, but then again he probably went off of my comment that his shoes are cool which I made couple months ago and wanted to do something nice since we're kind of family at this point.
My boyfriend still insists his brother has ulterior motives and that I'm enabling it, it's getting really annoying. I feel that he's blaming me for something his brother decided to do.
I even said I'll return the damn gift if it'll make him happy, which I honestly don't really want to do. Not because of the shoes themselves but I feel that the parents and brother might see it as me being ungrateful or not appreciating the gesture.
I told him the two of them should also speak about this in private and discuss boundaries because he obviously has a problem with his behaviour and he should tell him that himself and not use me as a middleman.
We've been arguing over this for two days already, since the dinner. And his words just get worse and way hurtful every time, last night he told me to go be with his brother instead after I said I honestly don't see why he's (my boyfriend) acting the way he is. He won't speak to me now and I'm really confused.
TLDR: My boyfriend is mad because his brother gifted me shoes.
UPDATE: I'm still getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend. I tried to talk and ask again to get to the bottom of the issue together but he didn't say anything. I also said I'm willing to return the shoes but he must talk with his brother about it. He didn't respond.
I left the house a couple hours ago to clear my head and while I was at the gym the brother called me, basically my boyfriend told him to take his dumb ass shoes back and to stay away. (Which makes no sense because we go to his family's house every week for dinner).
Anyway, I'm quite upset. He didn't want to talk to me and then he starts picking fights with his brother without trying to resolve the conflict first. Not to mention I feel he's being quite harsh and controlling to both of us.
I really don't know what I'll do now, but it seems to me he just doesn't want to work this out together. I hate that this happened over the holidays as well, because his mum was really excited we'll all be spending Christmas together. I'll keep trying to talk to him but I'm out of ideas and hope for our relationship at this point.