Submitted by ThrowRA160697 t3_zulb52 in relationship_advice
I (25F) have been dating V (26M) for 5 months, he's a nice guy, but the way he deals with food has been bothering me. He always eats whatever he wants and doesn't do the mental math so that there's food for everyone. An example: We went to a friends meeting (It was his first time meeting my friends). we decided to order enough pizza so that one of us could eat about 4 slices. V ate more than 15 slices alone (I didn't count but I know it was close). We ordered more pizza and he didn't want to pay for it because "he was already full and wasn't going to eat any more". I ended up paying more without him knowing because I felt bad about the situation. Constantly when we go to my mother's house for dinner he repeats the meal several times while everyone is still on the first plate. And sometimes there's not enough left for others to repeat.
After a few situations like this I talked to him and said that sometimes he was rude eating and leaving little for others to eat. He said I was being fatphobic and I was ashamed of his weight. I said that the problem is not the amount he ate, it's just that there was no food left for the others, So he blamed my mother and suggested that she just make more food then. But this doesn't just happen at my mother's house. Every time I bring up this topic he reacts the same way.
Situations like this keep repeating themselves and I started to avoid take him to such events. Sometimes I lie about what I'm doing and go to a friend's house for dinner without him. Always ask them not to tag me on social media so that V doesn't find out . You know, the problem isn't how much he eats, It's just that he doesn't leave enough food for the others. I don't know what to do, I like him but his attitude embarrasses me. My mother suggested that I break up with him and said that she noticed that he never offers me anything he eats, But he always asks for what I'm eating no matter how small. My friends think he has no consideration with me since he always wants to split 50/50 when we go out to eat. I don't know what approach to use with him anymore. Should I break up with him? Is he right and is this fatphobia?
UPDATE: After reading all the comments I really realized that it's best to break up now when the relationship is still only 5 months. He spent Christmas in his hometown and I felt relieved that I didn't have to include him in my family's Christmas, that sure means something. Some pointed out that his behavior may come from some trauma. As far as he tells me, there was a time in his life when his family was poor, not starving, but they only had the basics.
I feel kind of silly having handled it so softly and avoiding the problem so far. But he really is kind and funny and likes to hear about my interests and never makes fun of me. It's not just negative aspects. Anyway since food is something present in daily life, it becomes impossible to continue like this forever. I also want my social life back without having to hide. I'll talk to him about breaking up as soon as he gets back from his hometown.