Submitted by issue210 t3_102cncn in relationship_advice
Okay so a few things before I explain a the whole story. We met on Tinder in summer 2020, and are together since October 2020. We have a middle distance relationship (100km or 62miles), and mostly see each other on the weekends and spend holidays together.
In the last year of our relationship my gf and I had a really small amount of sex, because her low sex drive and lately she is repulsed by it. In the first few months into the relationship this was quite the opposite, we often had sex over 3 times a day, and she initiated very often. In the autumn of 2021 her mental health got worse significantly and she lost basically all of her sex drive. We had a talk, and decided not to have sex again until she initiates it. So until May of 2022 we didn't have sex, we did "hand-stuff" once or twice when she initiated that. Since May we had sex around 0-2 times a month. Her sex drive didn't return to what if was before, but I'm happy with it. By now you probably figured that my sex drive is significantly higher than hers. It's not crazy, I try to initiate 1-3 a week, she often says 'later', so after like 2-6 hours I try again, if the answer is 'later' again I don't try again til the next day or just masturbate. Since May having sex became a bit of a procedure, she's a bit germophobic and takes female hygiene very seriously, so we both have to shower before (and her after as well), use clean sheets or towels under us, and most activities need a condom. None of these things were necessary before, but I try to be supportive and do all the things.
She told me last night, that most of the time since May she didn't really want to have sex, but she doesn't want to deny me of it. I felt really bad, because I always ask for her consent, but this way I feel like she didn't really consented. She claimed that I try to initiate too often, and after a few times she feels bad for telling me no, so she 'just wants to get over it.' She asked what would I say, if we opened up our relationship. I told her, that I don't want an open relationship, since she is the woman I am interested in, and don't want anyone else. I asked her, why she had the idea. She told me, that she doesn't want anyone else, but if we had an open relationship, I could have sex with other people, so I don't go to her for sex. I told her that I don't want to have sex with anyone else but her, and I don't think that's gonna change. I told her, that I could go cold turkey again with her, and wait til she wants me again, and to this she said, that she wants me to be satisfied and doesn't want to put me through that again, and to think about the open relationship thing.
TLDR; girlfriend lost her sex drive and asked if I wanted to have an open relationship, so that I can have sex with other people, and not bother her with sex.