Submitted by Fjordgard t3_106m72t in relationship_advice
As the title says, I am immunocompromised (asthma) and disabled. I live in an apartment, but can't go out on my own - my father is my caretaker, who visits me once a week to take me to appointments. Without him, I would have to live in a care home, so I am deeply thankful for all he does for me.
Unfortunately, my father, despite doing all of that, is not a good person. He's a serial cheater, a religious nutcase and, above all, someone who doesn't take Covid or any illness seriously.
Last summer, he gave me Covid. Flat-out didn't tell me he was ill until I had been sitting with him in the car for an hour, noticed him coughing and asked if he was ill. Of course he hadn't gotten tested. Of course he wasn't wearing a mask (and even if, it would have been pretty useless, as he is wearing the same mask (non-washable) since the pandemic started).
I got very ill and self-tested positive. My father still didn't want to believe it, "but if it is really Covid, then that's good, you'll see how harmless it is". It was very bad. Not hospital-bad, but bad. Got it confirmed by the doctor. Gave my father a self-test, he told me he tested negative... but admitted he hadn't even read the instructions.
I forced him to do another, two hours before he wanted to go to the birthday party of a man who has cancer. The test was positive - surprise, surprise. My father didn't go to the birthday party, but still went out and about, without mask, the next day.
Now my father is ill again. I only noticed Friday evening when he was coughing on the phone. He admitted he had symptoms since Tuesday. Of course he didn't test. Of course he hadn't told me at a time where I could have still cancelled the appointments I have on Monday or could have tried to get a caretaking service (they require calling at least three days in advance).
Friday, I begged him to get tested in the pharmacy two minutes from his home. He reluctantly agreed.
Saturday, I asked him if he had gotten tested. He said no, he wanted to do it on Monday before driving to my place. I took a deep, angry breath, as cancelling appointments an hour before the time means I have to pay a huge fine. Money that I, a person on government assistance, don't have. I also told him I would give him a new mask on Monday. He argued with me about it, but then agreed, but only if it's one of those flimsy surgery masks, not a FFP2 mask because "they are uncomfortable". I only have FFP2 masks because, again, I am immunocompromised.
I phoned him again today. Asked how he was. "Still coughing, still ill - and yeah, the cough was there from the start, it's not like it is normally during a cold or flu, but still, it can't be Covid again, and if it is, it isn't bad." I told him that if he tests positive, he has to call and cancel my appointments immediately the moment he has the test in hand.
I got stunned silence in return. "Why?" he then asked, completely confused.
Well, how about I don't want to sit two hours in a car with him if he has Covid?!
"Well, but you still need to get groceries."
True, I don't have any food left. Would he go shopping for me and just drop it off? "No, you need to get over your paranoia."
And that's where I am now. I am sitting here, crying ugly tears of rage and helplessness. I don't want to get Covid again. It's dangerous for me to get Covid. But I have no choice because I need goddamn food and can't afford the fines.
Already tried calling the caretaking emergency service. No dice, they need three days in advance. No one else has a key to my apartment and could come get me. I am literally forced to go through with this.
Not sure if anyone has any advice, but if someone has, I would love to hear it.
--
UPDATE (I guess): Well, so it's now early Tuesday and I'm about to go to bed. I did go out with my father, as I had also phoned one of the doctors and I was urged to come in, as it was pretty important. I also didn't manage to get anything happening regarding getting groceries any other way, so there was that issue, too. I followed all the great tips I got - I sat in the back, managed to secretly open the window at least a very tiny bit and used my hand sanitizer deliberately. My father was coughing quite a bit and I was in the car with him for around 100 minutes (traffic sucked). However, he was wearing a mask even when he came to my door and he did put on the new mask I gave him as well (though the idiot pulled it down every time he had to cough; unbelieveable). Guess now I'll just have to wait and see - when he arrived, he actually tossed a negative Covid self-test at me (like, the actual thing, where you drop the liquid on to see the lines). Absolutely gross and unhygienic - and who knows if he didn't just pour the liquid in without actually testing.
I'm now back home and hopefully, he'll be back to full health next Monday. For now, I'll wait and see - and it was very good that I went to my appointments, could have been bad if I hadn't gone. As such, I don't regret it right now. We'll see how I feel about that on Thursday (Thursday was the day Covid hit me last time when I had spent time with my Covid-positive father on the prior Monday).
Again, thank you to everyone for your replies!