Submitted by sandyd73 t3_1070pb9 in relationship_advice
I have been with my husband for 11.5 years. Only married for a year & a half. Our relationship has always been difficult & had problems. I am the one wanting to leave. After 11 years he finally agreed to go to counseling & that has been very difficult. He says it is because I can't see the way I have treated him so badly and refuse to admit that I am wrong. We constantly go over the things we have done over the past 11 years & I am tired of it. He says we need to talk about them until they are resolved but I don't know how that is supposed to happen. If something happened 10 years ago & I have apologized, what else is needed? I told him that I can't keep rehashing the past. That it feels like it's just an hour or more of him telling me what a shitty person I am. I am a majorly depressed person already & that just makes it worse. I told him a week ago that if we can compromise I am willing to work things out. But we have to stop going over every incident. We need to talk about the big issues- he feels like I talk down to him - and not all of the things that have made him feel that way. And we have to be willing to wipe the slate clean & give each other a fresh chance. It was a nice week. Today we went on a date. On the drive home he wanted to talk about us. He started talking about all of the incidents & said our relationship is a dictatorship & he won't deal with that anymore. He was talking for 20 minutes with me saying nothing. Then he asked what I had to say. I told him that it seems like there is no letting go & I thought that was what we agreed on. He said no, that's what I said. And he says I yelled, I may have raised my voice a little but I did not yell. And I said I don't know what you want. So he got mad, said he is tired of me yelling at him. Pulled over & got out of the car. We were 10 miles from home & he started walking. I tried to talk to him, to get him to get in the car. He screamed at me on the side of the road. But he has health issues & I can't just drive off & let him walk 10 miles. I wound up having my stepson come pick him up since he would not get in the car with me & we haven't spoken since. My problem at this point is to figure out if I need to commit to what I said a week ago - that I would try to work things out. Or do I just call it quits at this point?