Submitted by Accomplished_End2375 t3_109cips in relationship_advice
I (30F) have been with my fiance (30M) for 7 years and have had issues over porn in the past. I don't mind him watching porn, but we have rules that watching, communicating with, and paying for cam girls cross the line. Somehow, every few years, I walk in on him or notice sometime left up on his screen that he was watching Cam Girls... he swears he never talks to them but doesn't enjoy regular porn as much because they are "so fake."
Lately, he's been complaining that he doesn't have money if I want to go out. He also complains that he doesn't have time for some of the things I ask him to do. (He works 10 hour shifts 4 days a week overnight), but I was confused by this because I see him playing video games for 4-6 hours a day, and he plays VR a lot and he's constantly doing something on his phone. Usually, it's playing a game, but lately, he's been chatting more.
I opened his phone and found out that he's been on a cam girl site where he was both paying and chatting with the girls since at least mid last year. Ges been saying the same things about their bodies that he says to me. He's also been watching them with his VR and begging them to get in VR Cam. it's only 11 days into the year, and he's already spent $600 IN TOKENS just in January. he's a "diamond member," it says. He's talked to some of them about moving the conversation over to snapchat.
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to even say, I'm just I'm shock. Paying this much doesn't seem like something he would do. As of now, the wedding (THAT WE ARE BOTH SUPPOSED TO BE SAVING FOR) is on hold, I don't know if I can marry a man who is constantly playing video games and watching porn he's spending hundreds of dollars on. But I don't want to break up or give up on him entirely. We have been friends since 15 years old. This is actually someone I love and care about. Maybe he needs to work through this somehow?
How do I bring this up? What would you do?