Submitted by ThrowRA167383902 t3_109xybt in relationship_advice
My younger sister and I have always been very close, both growing up and as adults. Usually, we tell each other absolutely everything. I know everyone says that, but it’s absolutely true in this case.
For Christmas this past weekend (we grew up Russian orthodox) our parents invited my sister and her girlfriend over to the family dinner. They’ve only been together for a few months, but had a long talking stage and my sister is smitten. This is a massive, massive step for our parents because they had an extremely difficult time accepting that my sister is a lesbian. They refused to talk to her for 2 years, and when they did finally start talking to her again they refused to acknowledge her sexuality at all. They never wanted to meet her ex girlfriend for the 4 years they were together, they refused to acknowledge they were even dating even though they lived together. My sister hasn’t been invited to any family events, dinners or parties for the past 8 years. Only for the Christmas celebrations, at which talking about her sexuality was strictly forbidden. So needless to say her girlfriend not only being invited, but being acknowledged as her romantic partner is a massive deal.
The dinner seemed to be going well, my parents seemed to be making an effort with her girlfriend. But throughout the night my mood started to drop a little and I was a little grumpy. When my sister’s girlfriend asked me if I was okay at the table (my parents weren’t at the table at this time) I assured her I’d be fine. I had just started my period, and I have a heavy flow and killer cramps. Looking back on it she did look kind of uncomfortable, and my sister kind of tried to cut me off but I didn’t notice at the time. I ended by asking “you know how it is. Do you ever get that?” and she kind of laughed it off a little uncomfortably and said “no, no I don’t really get that”. I thought it was kind of weird but I didn’t say anything.
Later, privately, her girlfriend told me she’s a trans woman and doesn’t get periods. I felt like such an idiot. I never would have talked about it if I had known. Perhaps this is ignorant of me, but she passes so incredibly well that I had assumed she was a cis woman. I also was hurt that my sister didn’t trust me enough to tell me beforehand. She usually tells me everything. Later, after her girlfriend had left, I pulled my sister aside to tell her that while I like her girlfriend a lot, it really hurt my feelings that she didn’t trust me enough to tell me. She told me that she does trust me, it’s just that this particular thing wasn’t hers to tell. We argued, and I guess our arguing got too loud because our parents came to tell us to cut it out. They overheard what we were arguing about. They barged in, and started yelling homophobic and transphobic nonsense, and kicked my sister out. I’ve tried explaining to them, but they’re absolutely not having it. They won’t talk to my sister, they’ve stopped talking to me for letting myself “be dragged down”. My sister won’t talk to them, and she won’t talk to me either because understandably, she feels betrayed. She won’t answer my texts, calls or let me in when I tried going to her place. Even her roommate has stopped taking my calls. I never intended any of this to happen. Idk what to do.
TLDR; our extremely conservative and religious Russian parents were finally starting to come around to my gay sister’s sexuality, until I accidentally outed her girlfriend as trans. Now they’re threatening to disown her, and no one is speaking to anyone and my sister who is my best friend won’t talk to me. I know I’m in the wrong her and I don’t know how to make the situation better.
EDIT to add: just to be clear, I am aware I’m in the wrong here that’s not what I’m asking here. I am, always have and always will defend my sister against our parents. Always.