Submitted by [deleted] t3_10da631 in relationship_advice
My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We have three children together. We both work full time. Of note, I am the breadwinner and more fiscally responsible, though I shoulder most of our expenses.
We’ve always been tumultuous. However, things have been at a steady decline as of late.
See, my husband, who believes that his responsibilities in life begin and end with going to work, is so god awful upset that I don’t make my vagina available to him at every waking moment.
Besides sitting on the couch, watching youtube videos and ignoring the needs of everyone and everything in the household, the only thing he seems to care about is sex.
Sex this. Sex that. Every joke is sexual. Every comment is sexual. He has a high school level sense of humor, at best. Just loves to sit and watch stupid ass films like American Pie, etc, because they’re all hormone driven pieces of garbage.
I am currently recovering from a very significant surgery that has left me mobility impaired for the time being. This is the latest in a long line of several procedures that also left me mobility challenged. I have a life-long injury with chronic pain due to being in an unfortunate car accident. As a result, I have had increased depression and anxiety over the past couple of years. My career has been damaged because of it, etc.
As such, I have spent a great deal of time alone, in my (our) room. Recovering. Being sad. Planning out or next moves. Budgeting. Paying all the bills. Still working full time, of course!
But my god. Not enough of my vagina has been accessible to his pervasive need.
On my birthday (last week), he joined me for a little bit - mostly to discuss how “monogamy isn’t realistic” and how we should probably divorce because my “lack of affection” is providing a poor example about relationships for our children. He then proceeded to insult my body, and then assumed that I would want to have sex with him.
Early in the morning today I snatched his phone and went through it. He is so desperately seeking someone to screw that he’s been talking with some married woman that lives 3 hours away. He tells her that he’s “100% done” with our marriage but is staying for financial security. And he is planning on driving up (in the truck that is in my name, the bill I pay), with the camper we just HAD TO HAVE (also in my name, and I pay for it) so that they can camp together and fornicate. While I take our kids on a family vacation he vehemently refused to join in on.
I’m more amused than upset. However, I did end up sending a message to the ogre woman and told her that if she touches any of my property, we’ll have issues. I plan on confronting my toddler husband later.
My question is this -
Given the cost of everything, what’s the next step? Obviously, we need to separate. He needs a teenage-minded spouse that only cares about sex, too. And I need somebody I can feel secure with.
The cost of housing in my area is revolting. All three of my children have some variety of special need, including autism.
UPDATE: Confronted the turd.
His response was that “it was all fake” on his end because he was just trying to see if I snoop through his phone.
Obviously this is an off-the-hip, knee-jerk response that’s HIGHLY unbelievable.
I told my sister about things. She’s very quick to violence and proceeded to threaten to assault him. So things got heated for a bit.
No response from the girl he was speaking to.
He said that by me sending her the message, hopefully she would end up “leaving him alone” because she “bothers him.” But the conversations were majorly driven by him?
I told him that he can try to gaslight someone who doesn’t know better. He’s not very pleased.
So, we’ll see.