Submitted by throwralovebomberman t3_10e1qk9 in relationship_advice
I always get credit from the women I date and their friends/family for being a really considerate boyfriend. I really put in effort to pay attention to the things they tell me, their interests, what's going on in their lives, and always put in an effort to do things for them that show them I care.
I'm coming off a breakup and was out drinking with my friend (I'll call him Bob), his girlfriend (call her Jill) and their friend (call her Annie) - Bob and Jill are my age, Annie in her 30s and recently became a therapist.
I told Bob and Jill that my relationship had just ended and they seemed genuinely disappointed, they really liked my GF but it didn't work out because we both travel too much for work. Jill made a point to say she's legitimately surprised, they've known me for years and I've always been the most considerate and thoughtful boyfriend she's seen. Bob joked that I'm always making him look bad. They told Annie a few stories (I think in retrospect they were trying to hype me up to Annie who is also single). Anyway, the stories were true and she came back telling us she sees this kind of thing all the time and I'm a serial love bomber.
Jill came back at her a bit aggressively and said what she said was ridiculous, that so many good men are being ruined for other girls by being accused of that by toxic women. They argued about it and Annie actually got up and left. Jill and Bob seemed really apologetic, but the accusation did get to me a bit. Bob said love bombers don't really care about their partners the way I do, but I'm wondering now. Here are the stories they brought up:
- College GF told me she was having a hard time being away from her older dog who wouldn't be around much longer, so I secretly picked up GF's sister and their dog from her parents' on my road trip back to school from break so they could surprise her for her birthday.
- Another GF always competed with her brothers for parents' attention. When I met them they mentioned they loved the artwork in my apartment, which was all painted by a really talented friend of mine. I traded some work with her and had her paint a piece for their 30th Anniversary gift based off their engagement photo. Her mom loved it so much she ugly cried.
- Girl I had been seeing for a couple weeks mentioned when she was in high school she was a huge fan of a particular 90's alt band. Turns out I knew someone connected to them and he owed me a favor, was able to get them to dedicate a song to her at their local show in front of all her friends and then we all hung out with them after the local show.
- Most recent GF was very stressed having to travel a lot for work. I'd randomly call her hotel to have a gift waiting in her room like flowers, wine, a spa certificate for a massage, etc when she got there.
And just other things like how I always got along with their friends, listened to what they had to say, was always there for them, and always just really cared and people took notice.
I will admit I do kind of treat surprise gifting as a love language, but I'm that way with everyone I care about, not just the girls I'm seeing. I'm starting to get in my head a little bit now about whether Annie is right and I need to dial it back.