Submitted by ricochetingtear t3_10gb07s in relationship_advice
UPDATE:
Thanks to everyone for providing so much input.
After all, I still believe my paranoia and insecurities play too much of a major part in my thoughts.For now, I have decided:- To postpone the moving in with her. I really don't believe it's too early, but I agree to take more time as advised here.- To go to therapy, and addressing my issues that are probably even deeper than what this relationship is aboutThat being said, I have decided not to break up yet.I've had a discussion with her, and to be honest it isn't really conclusive (I've not mentioned the testing).But for now, outside of these suspicions which I can put aside, the relation is good, and those provide me with a lot of happiness.We will see later how that goes.
ORIGINAL POST:
Throwaway account, yada yada yada.My girlfriend (39F) and I (33M) have been together for 4 months.We met through dating apps.
And, to be honest, everything's been going quite well, and I've felt in a honeymoon phase for sure.Cuddles are amazing,, we’ve met each other’s families and friends, we are very close at every level.Recently, she even introduced the idea of us moving in together.And it does make sense. We’re always at each other’s place (and if I don’t ask her to come, she’ll be the one to invite me over.)
But.A months ago, I saw that she had Bumble as a “frequently used apps”.So I reinstalled the app, and saw that she had changed her bio from“Looking for the last one, not the next one” to “Looking for good vibes only”, followed by her instagram handle. (which she didn’t include before)
I confronted her about it, but also mentioned that I didn’t want to police her(so I won’t read her phone).She told me to trust her, and admitted that she kept the app, but said she didn’t swipe anymore. She just said that we didn't have a real conversation about deleting the apps, but she for sure wouldn't cheat on me.
She opened a lot of things to me, explaining how she felt based on her previous experiences/relationships, how she feels about monogamy (she's 100% about it)How she feels what we have is special, and that I didn’t have anything to be insecure about myself.
It was a really long text, and I do believe, at least on feelings, that she was telling the truth.She said, more than anything, that she values respect.
She said that if she’d ever met somebody (something she doesn't pursue/wish for),she would let me know how she feels and would be upfront/honest with me, etc.I felt reassured about her feelings, but didn’t really forget about it.(Sorry if my post is a bit disjointed, I’m quite shaken)
Today, she posted something on Instagram.She added a link to a website that allows people to text anonymously.So... yeah I tested her.I said in that text “I know you from years ago, and feel like we could have had something. I’d like to reconnect. Put your *favorite song* in a story, and I’ll know I can DM.”And….she did.
Should I admit that I tested her?To relaunch the conversation, should I maybe just mention the previous Bumble one, saying that I didn’t really move on from it and would like to discuss it again to be reassured?Maybe she is just curious about who had a crush about her, or maybe she just like the attention, and wouldn’t cheat on me?Or maybe… it’s all a lie?
Would love some advice and input, and just need to discuss this.
There's a lot of info, I guess.I'll provide as much as I can on further questions/comments I'll see here.
Thank you so much.